


Change in Time, We Are Young Again

by howtosingit



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 06:39:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4425236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howtosingit/pseuds/howtosingit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU from 3x04. Judgment and pressure at the LGBTQ prom turn out to be more than Jude and Connor can bear, leading them to end their relationship. Now sophomores in high school, the two are forced to confront their two-year silence towards one another when their teacher pairs them together for the semester.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Change in Time, We Are Young Again

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for checking out my very first fanfic! This work would be nothing without the love and support of Emma (emisfritish), my friend and beta, who literally provided feedback for each and every scene almost immediately after it was written. Her notes were invaluable to me, and I dedicate this to her (especially the epilogue, since there wouldn't be one if she hadn't suggested it). Also, a special thanks to Steph (8chiplet), who was the first one to read this fic upon its completion and provide her thoughts on the story as a whole.
> 
> Title comes from "The End of All Things" by Panic! At The Disco.
> 
> Tumblr: howtosingit - the ask box is open!
> 
> Enjoy!

 

“Now, remember, you’ll be paired with the same person for the entire semester. We will complete one lab a week, usually on Fridays, with very few exceptions. One report for each pair will be turned into me on the Monday following the completion of the lab. Any questions?” Ms. Noble asked her class of sophomores, squinting down her nose at a few of them individually.

Jude sighed from his seat in the second row. Only two periods in and he could already tell that this school year was going to be _way_ too long. It wasn’t like he hated school or anything; to be honest, Anchor Beach was an awesome school, probably one of the few in the country that genuinely recognized its students as human beings with basic rights. No, he liked the school and he respected the teachers (basically a requirement, considering his mom’s position in the administration), it was just…

“If anyone has an issue with his or her partner, he or she must submit a formal request to schedule a conference with me by tomorrow.”

It was Ms. Noble, to be honest.

She wasn’t a terrible teacher, if Jude was being fair. It’s just that, in a school like Anchor Beach, Ms. Noble was so… _rigid_. No other teacher ever assigned partners for lab work; students were always allowed control of their learning environment in order to feel the most comfortable and to work in the way that best suited them. But Ms. Noble resisted progress in every way possible; Jude could remember Mariana complaining about her methods at dinner for an entire year. Well, at least I was prepared for this, Jude thought, looking across the room at the horror-stricken faces of his classmates.

“I’m sending the clipboard around now, so please initial next to your name to indicate that you accept your partnership for the semester. Oh, Mr. Stevens, nice of you to join us. There’s an empty seat in the back for you.”

Jude froze, sucking in a sharp breath as he felt the entire class whip around to look towards the door.

“Sorry, Ms. Noble. I had a meeting with Mrs. Adams Foster and it ran a little long.”

Everything in Jude’s body unfroze at once, a chill racing down his spine.

No.

No, no, no.

This could not be happening. _He_ could not be in this class. He could not be in the one class where Jude did not have complete control over who he talked to at all times. Because Jude knew, better than anyone, that Fate was a cold-hearted bitch. He had known that since entering foster care with Callie all those years ago. Anything that could go wrong, did. It was just his luck. And this class would be no different. Jude knew, without even looking at the list, that Fate was about to play her best card yet.

A sharp jab to his left shoulder jolted him out of his thoughts and he whipped around to find the clipboard being shoved in his direction. As he reached for it, he involuntarily glanced towards the seat at the back of the room which, while vacant only minutes ago, was now occupied by a hazel-eyed, blonde-haired nightmare of a teenage boy. A nightmare who just so happened to be smiling right at Jude.

Quickly facing back towards the front of the room, Jude squeezed his eyes shut and tried to control his breathing. Not a nightmare, just your very own personal nightmare, he thought, as his brain betrayed him, focusing in on that smile. That soft, sweet smile and those bright eyes and that _tight_ t-shirt that made Jude want to -- 

Yeah, this was definitely a nightmare.

Remembering that he had the clipboard that was currently the focus of the class, Jude reigned in his developing panic attack long enough to glance down the list. When he reached the bottom, he let out a small, pitiful groan.

 **Jude Adams Foster and Connor Stevens** , it read.

Fate, Jude thought, thou art a heartless bitch, indeed.

~~~

**911**

**_We are only 2 classes into the first day. How do you already have a 911?_**

**Ms. Noble picks lab partners in her class.**

**_And…?_**

**Guess who’s in my class.**

**_Who?_**

**_Wait… really?!_**

**Yes really.**

**_Oh fuck._**

**Yeah, oh fuck.**

~~~

“So Prince Charming returns to the forefront, does he?” Taylor mocked, sitting down on the sand with her lunch tray.

“Don’t, it’s bad enough already,” Jude said, scowling at his apple.

They were sitting on the beach for lunch today, a little off from everyone else. Jude had spent the last two hours coming up with every terrible way that Fate’s newest game could play out. He finally settled on having to move to China to completely avoid the entire thing; he’d have to inform his moms that their youngest child was moving out sooner than expected at some point during dinner tonight.

“Oh Jude, come on,” Taylor said, starting in on her lunch. “It’s been two years, don’t you think it’s about time?”

Jude said nothing, now spinning the apple in his hands, feeling like his life was spinning out of control just as quickly.

“You’re always talking about how much you miss him, maybe now you can finally fix this,” Taylor continued, ignoring Jude’s silence.

Jude glared up at her. “I am not always talking about him.”

“Okay, maybe ‘always’ wasn’t the right word. But I can tell that you miss him. You’re really bad at hiding your feelings.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Jude picking at his food as he thought about what Taylor had said. She was absolutely right and he knew it, but he still hated her for calling him out on it. Leave it to Taylor to not sugarcoat the truth, but rather present it in all of its cold, hard glory. He _did_ miss Connor, all the time, like a constant ache in his stomach. He just didn’t know how to get rid of it.

“You know he tried to talk to me last year, at the End-of-the-Year Festival,” Jude said, finally taking a bite of his food.

“Um, no, I did not know that!” Taylor exclaimed, her eyes bright with the promise of new gossip. “Why didn’t you tell me? What did he say?”

“I just happened to be over by the baseball tournament--”

“Yeah, you just _happened_ to be over there,” Taylor interrupted with a smirk.

“Fine, I was watching the baseball tournament and when I passed by the dugout, he called out to me and said ‘have a good summer’ or something like that,” Jude said, suddenly wishing he hadn’t brought it up at all.

“Oh my god! What did you say back?” Taylor said, practically bouncing in her effort to hold in her glee.

“I, um, I didn’t. Say anything. I kind of nodded and then ran away,” Jude said, avoiding what was no doubt a very judgmental look from Taylor.

“Well, I’m not surprised,” she began, quickly correcting herself when Jude threw her a harsh glare. “I mean I’m not surprised that he talked to you. He asked about you almost every week in English last year.”

“You never told me that!” Jude said, voice rising with an unwelcome mixture of excitement and panic.

“Well he didn’t _explicitly_ ask how you were doing, but he also wasn’t very subtle about it. You know Connor, he can’t lie to save his life. He would just start a conversation with me and then keep asking questions until I mentioned you,” Taylor said, and then she faked a pout. “I felt so used.”

“I can’t believe you never told me that,” Jude said, a little hurt.

“So you could do what, freak out? Look, you and Connor have been playing cat-and-mouse for way too long. I get that in the beginning it was just about giving each other space, but then it just turned into avoiding one another. And it really sucks, you know? You two were _best_ friends before you were boyfriends and just because you couldn’t make that work didn’t mean that your whole relationship had to fall apart,” Taylor said, finishing her speech and going back to her food and her phone.

Jude sat in silence, staring out at the ocean and thinking about everything that had happened since the breakup. It was hard at the beginning and Jude had needed his space. It was his first real relationship and he didn’t know to fix it enough to be friends with Connor again. They had classes together but they didn’t talk. Then, about three months later and not a word spoken between either of them, it started to get easier. Jude stopped avoiding him completely; eye contact became more intentional than accidental. The idea of talking to Connor got easier and he began to miss just hanging out and playing video games with his best friend. But then, the 8th grade rumor mill had reared its ugly head and --

A bell ringing in the distance pulled Jude from his thoughts, signaling the end of lunch. He stood up, gathering his barely-touched food and his backpack. When Taylor had finished gathering her things, they walked back towards the school. Taylor finally broke the heavy silence as they approached the cafeteria.

“Look, for months I’ve been thinking that you two need to just be locked in a room together so that you can sort this all out. And now Ms. Noble has basically made that happen. Maybe this will be good for you two; maybe you can finally get past this.”

Yeah, Jude thought, maybe. He didn’t really see how it could make things any worse.

~~~

Being Connor’s lab partner definitely made everything worse.

For two years, Jude had tried to convince himself that not talking to Connor was what was best for the both of them. It kept them from having to deal with any leftover awkwardness from their failed relationship when they were both younger and unsure of what they really wanted. Jude knew that there were things left unsaid, but in the two years since he had last spoken to Connor, he still hadn’t figured out how to say them. He honestly didn’t see how they could go back to being friends with all the tension and discomfort hanging around them. Jude knew that he wanted to be friends with Connor again, he just didn’t know how.

Taylor clearly thought that the two of them just needed to be locked in a room together so that they could fight it out in a high school version of World War III or something, and that Ms. Noble’s brilliant idea to partner them together for the next four months was actually a blessing in disguise. But after their first lab together, Jude realized that Taylor could not have been more wrong.

When classes had started on Monday and Jude first found out that he and Connor were paired together, he had definitely panicked; however, he had taken a little bit of solace in the fact that he would have four days to warm up to the idea, since Ms. Noble generally conducted labs for her class on Fridays. In the week leading up to their first lab, they listened to lectures on safety and procedures, and took notes on the material they would need to know for their activity. They were starting with states of matter, changing substances from solids and liquids to gases. By the time Friday came around, the pressure within Jude was a swirling ball of nervous matter, the state of which he was completely unable to determine.

They didn’t talk. For the entire fifty minute lab period, they failed to have a conversation consisting of more than a few words. Connor tried; he tried really, really hard. Jude could tell that he was doing his best to act like everything was normal between them so that they could complete the lab, and by the end of the class period he had a t-shirt soaked with nervous sweat to show for his efforts. If Jude had been in his right mind, he really would have appreciated the overall effect, but he just couldn’t.

He couldn’t really do much of anything. He didn’t know where all of his words were, but they weren’t coming out of his mouth. It reminded him of when he was thirteen and he just stopped talking for a time; he felt like anything that he might say would be inadequate and unnecessary, so instead he kept quiet. He did his best to let Connor know that it wasn’t his fault, but his partner didn’t seem to understand. Connor would apologize generously whenever he and Jude’s hands touched as they both reached for the same tool during the lab. The fourth time it happened, he jumped so hard that he threw the pencil that he had just reached for across the room and hit Ms. Noble in the face.

When he returned to the table, head down and ears bright red, he muttered a quick “Sorry” and then stared straight ahead, chewing on his lip nervously. Jude waited until the rest of the class had returned to their lab before reaching out and touching Connor’s shoulder softly. The other boy started at the unexpected contact, looking over at Jude with wide eyes. Jude looked up at him and gave him a small smile. Connor’s eyes slowly closed as he exhaled slowly. Then, with a short nod, he turned back to the table and grabbed a beaker for the next part of the lab, Jude’s hand falling back down to his own side as he did so.

By the time that the bell rang, they had completed all of the in-classroom work for their lab, but they had yet to start the report. Ms. Noble reminded them all that their reports were due first thing on Monday as the class streamed out of the room. Jude finished gathering his materials into his backpack and turned to see Connor waiting for him. It made Jude’s heart pound rapidly, reminding him of the times that Connor had done the same thing when they were in the 7th grade.

“I’ll text you tonight, okay? About finishing the report?” Connor said with a small smile. “I still have your number.”

He turned and headed out of the classroom, not even giving Jude the chance to silently respond.

~~~

That night after dinner found Jude spread out on his bed, headphones in his ears and music loud, trying to finish as much of the lab report as he could without Connor. He assumed that the next time they met he would be plagued with the inability to speak and he didn’t want to continue being a nuisance to his partner. He was so focused on his work that he didn’t notice his mom at the door until she entered and tapped him on the shoulder.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t hear you,” Jude said apologetically, pulling his earbuds out and switching off his music.

“Hey buddy, what’re you working on?” Lena asked, glancing down at the notes spread out on the bed.

“Just a lab report that’s due on Monday. I want to finish as much as I can tonight.”

“I thought Mariana always had a partner that she did lab reports with,” Lena inquired, her brows furrowing in confusion. When Jude remained silent, staring at his bedspread, she sighed. “So you’ve been kind of quiet all week. How was school?”

“Fine,” Jude said, shifting slightly. “A little bit harder than last year, but I think I’ll be okay.”

“Well, I’m sure you will,” Lena said. “And how’s Taylor?”

“Taylor is Taylor,” Jude said, his patented sass seeping through. Lena smiled.

“Good to know. Well, Mom and I are going to watch a movie downstairs, if you get tired of doing homework on a Friday night and want to join us.”

Jude gave a nod and then returned to his work. Lena nodded, accepting defeat, and left the room as quietly as she had entered.

Jude tossed his pencil down and leaned back, staring up at the ceiling. Today was really fucking terrible. He hadn’t been able to say a single word to Connor and he hated it. This was the first time in years that he had been so overwhelmed by everything that was going on around him that his brain had resorted to the silent treatment to handle it. His brain had continued to misfire for the rest of the day, resulting in Taylor jokingly asking him if he needed a punch in the face to reset. He almost took her up on the offer, if not to reset his dysfunctional brain, then to at least snap him out of this haze that Connor had placed him in.

That was just it, though. Connor had always overwhelmed Jude in a way that no one else ever did. Ever since he had worn blue nail polish to school to show solidarity with Jude, Jude’s brain hadn’t been able to comprehend Connor Stevens. It just wasn’t fair. More than anything, Jude wanted his best friend back, the very first friend that he had ever made. The first classmate who didn’t immediately label Jude as the “weird, creepy foster kid.” But Jude couldn’t even say one word to him.

He had been close, once before. The idea of talking to Connor again had stopped scaring him so much and he had felt like they were close to repairing their friendship. He thought that Connor had felt it too. But then Shaina Lewis had spread the rumor that Connor was “hanging out” with a boy from another school that he had met at the LGBTQ prom and Jude had closed off immediately. His walls went up and the small amount of eye contact that was shared between them ended completely.

He had been hurt and angry, first at Connor, but then at himself. He had been jealous, but that wasn’t Connor’s fault. If he hadn’t been so scared of everything and everyone, he could have trusted Connor enough to keep him, as both a friend and a boyfriend. Now, after vowing to never look back, his walls were erected so high and so strong that he couldn’t even tear them down enough to complete an assignment with his ex-boyfriend.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by his phone buzzing with a text message next to him. Sitting up, he reached for it, but not before it buzzed four more times, new messages popping up each time. They were all from the same number.

**_Hey its me_**

**_Its Connor_**

**_Sorry. I realized that if you didnt have my number anymore then the first message wouldnt really help_**

**_Though it would totally make sense if you didnt have my number anymore_**

**_Sorry. Ill stop blowing up your phone and give you a chance to respond_**

Jude couldn’t help but smile as he read Connor’s text messages. The first text messages in two years, and yet Connor was still Connor: completely ridiculous and adorably dumb. He never let an awkward or bad moment keep him down for long; here he was, moving past today’s tragic lab like nothing seriously bad had happened. Connor seemed to make everything easier and Jude appreciated his understanding more than he would ever be able to admit.

His phone buzzed with more messages.

**_Jude?_**

**_Could you respond soonish so I dont feel so stupid here??_**

**_Wait did you get a new number? Is this not Jude?_**

**_Sorry to whoever is reading this. Ill go be an idiot somewhere else now_**

Unable to help himself, Jude laughed, finally releasing all of the tension that had been building inside of him for days. He quickly responded to save Connor from himself.

**It’s me.**

**It’s Jude.**

He waited with bated breath for Connor to respond, exhaling loudly when he finally did.

**_Okay good_**

**_I was worried that I made myself look like an idiot in front of a complete stranger_**

**_Which would have been so much worse let me tell you_**

**_:P_**

Okay, he could do this. He could talk to Connor. Just one sentence at a time.

**Well, unfortunately, you’ll have to stick with just being an idiot in front of me for now. :)**

Wait, was that too much? Too far for just classroom lab partners? He could _not_ do this, he was not ready for –

**_Im definitely okay with that_**

Okay, okay. Connor’s being himself, you just be yourself. No big deal.

_**Good.** _

There. Keep it simple.

**_So do you want to work on the lab tomorrow?_**

Not so simple. Texting was one thing – and it was a _huge_ thing, to be honest – but face-to-face interaction was a whole other beast. Jude didn’t know if he could survive two days of Connor-time in a row, not this soon. But regardless of what he wanted, the lab report was due on Monday, no questions asked.

**_Does tomorrow not work for you? Sorry I shouldnt have assumed_**

Jude buried his head in his hands, trying to think of what to do. He didn’t want to spend hours with Connor and not talk to him; that just wasn’t fair to Connor. However, he didn’t know if his brain would be working properly tomorrow. It had a mind of its own and he never really knew what to expect from it. He finally decided on suggesting that they work at his house, that way Stef and Lena could buffer any super uncomfortable moments. If anyone could provide distractive awkwardness, it was his moms. All he had to do was mention the newest “hip” thing that all the “kids” were crazy for, and they’d go on for hours if allowed.

He quickly sent his suggestion to Connor, thinking about how to best approach his moms with this information. Connor Stevens was basically a blacklisted topic in the Adams Foster house, so they would definitely be a little bit surprised. Jude’s phone buzzed with Connor’s quick reply.

**_Sounds awesome!! Ill come by around 1. That ok?_**

**Yeah, definitely. I’ll see you then.**

Jude tossed his phone on his bedside table. He sat quietly for a moment, twisting his fingers together and breathing slowly in and out. Connor was coming over tomorrow. For the first time in two years, Connor would be in his house. Connor would be in his house for the first time since they both gone to the LGBTQ prom together. He remembered how excited Stef and Lena had been for him that night and how they had insisted on taking ridiculous prom pictures; and he remembered how upset they were when he came home crying, how they sat with him for hours, reassuring him that first breakups were always the worst and that he would find his person someday. Jude shook his head, clearing his thoughts of those bad memories. With a heavy sigh and a muttered “Might as well get it over with,” he slid off of his bed and made his way downstairs to face his moms.

At the bottom of the stairs, Jude could see them sprawled out on the couch, Lena sitting in the corner while Stef lay with her head in her wife’s lap. The only source of light in the room was coming from the TV. Jude crossed the room to the armchair, grabbing a handful of popcorn off of the table to keep his hands busy. After a minute of mindlessly staring at the screen and shoving popcorn into his mouth, he saw Stef shift her position out of the corner of her eye. He didn’t have to wait much longer for her to break the silence.

“Everything okay, love?” Stef asked.

Jude turned to look over at his moms, sure that his stress was clearly visible on his face. Sure enough, Stef sat up without hesitation and Lena paused the movie, both women giving Jude their full attention.

“What is it, bud?” Lena asked gently.

Jude took a deep breath and then decided to dive right in. “My lab partner is going to come over tomorrow to finish our report.” Okay, maybe not a deep-end dive, but a dive nonetheless.

“Okay,” Lena said, seeming to sense that there was more to it than that. “Well, we’ll be around the house tomorrow, but we can make sure to stay out of your way.”

Jude nodded gratefully. “No, good, that’s good. I want you to be here.”

“Of course, whatever you need, love,” Stef chimed in uncertainly, sharing a glance with her wife.

Jude closed his eyes for a moment. Here goes nothing, he thought. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and looked up at his moms. “It’s Connor.”

His mom’s reaction was pretty much exactly what he expected. Their eyes widened and they immediately looked to one another, as if hoping the other would have the right response to the unexpected news. If Jude wasn’t so stressed about his life, he would have found it pretty comical.

Lena was the first to recover. She turned back to Jude, face set with a look of sympathetic understanding. “How did that happen?” she asked.

“Ms. Noble assigns the partners in her class. I found out on Monday. We’ll be partners for the entire semester,” Jude replied succinctly.

“And you’re okay with all of this?” Stef asked, protective mode kicking in. “I’m sure we could figure something out if you’re not.”

“Well, we did our first lab together today and I didn’t talk to him once,” Jude replied, staring at his fingers. “I just couldn’t do it.”

“How did you do a lab without talking?” Lena asked, a little surprised.

“Not very well, that’s why we have to work on it tomorrow,” Jude admitted. At his mom’s concerned face, he added, “It could’ve been a lot worse. Connor and I have a history of knowing one another pretty well, so we managed.”

“But you’re sure you don’t want to switch partners? I don’t want your whole semester to be filled with silent labs that you just manage to complete,” Stef said. “You’ve got your grades to think about here, love.”

“No, I know. I promise,” Jude said. “Look, I…” He paused, struggling to find the right words to describe how he was feeling. “I need to talk to him. I _want_ to,” he said earnestly. He looked down at his fingers before softly admitting the real truth. “I miss him.”

“Oh, bud,” Lena said, getting up and moving to Jude’s side to wrap her arms around him, “we get that, we really do. But you have to make sure you’re going to be alright, okay? We don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I’m already hurt,” Jude said quietly, feeling tears start to form. “I haven’t talked to my best friend in two years. It pretty much hurts every day.” He took a breath. “Look, can we just see how tomorrow goes and then go from there?”

“Absolutely, love,” Stef said, coming around to Jude’s other side to complete the mom sandwich. “Whatever you want, we’re here for you. Whatever you need.”

Jude clutched them both tightly. Even though he had been with Stef and Lena for three years, he never got over how lucky he was to have them in his life. “I love you. Both of you.”

“And we love you,” Lena said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. “You want to finish the movie with us?”

“Nah, I think I’ll just go to bed. It’s been a long week,” Jude said, standing up and wiping at his eyes.

“Okay, well, let us know if you need anything,” Stef said.

“Good night,” Jude said, already at the base of the staircase.

“Good night,” his moms replied in unison.

Jude smiled softly as he climbed the stairs, thinking about how incredibly lucky he was. He quickly brushed his teeth and then climbed into bed. After switching off his bedside light, he picked up his phone. He had two new text messages, both from Connor.

**_Hey Jude? About not talking in class today? Dont worry about it ok? I get it. If it’s easier for you, we dont have to talk for now._**

**_To be honest, Im just really glad you’re my partner. :)_**

Yeah, he might just be incredibly lucky after all.

~~~

Jude had a hard time remaining calm the next morning. He was full of nervous energy from breakfast to lunch, flitting around the house trying to find something to engage him long enough to stop thinking about Connor and what might happen this afternoon. However, his attempts were fruitless.

He could tell that his moms were worried about him. One of them would appear in whatever room he was in, trying to casually look like they had intended to be there. After an hour of him moving from room to room, and about a dozen trips to the bathroom to nervously fix his hair, Stef grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him towards the backyard. “I love you, but you’re making me anxious. Go sort through those boxes of yours in the garage that you neglected all summer. I want to see some progress when I come out there later,” she said, pushing him out the door.

With a very pointed eye roll, Jude did as he was told. He knew that she was just trying to take his mind off of Connor and he was truly grateful for it. Besides, he hadn’t gone through his things in the garage in a long time. In all honesty, he had no idea what was actually still in there.

The shelves in the garage had once been divided in seven equal sections, one for each member of the family to store things that they didn’t want to keep in the house. Now, Stef, Lena, and Jude’s belongings occupied the most space, with everyone else’s boxes in one corner. Jude passed Callie’s two crates to get to his stack of five boxes. The top two were packed with clothes that used to belong to Jesus and Brandon; Stef used to give Jude the option of keeping whatever the older boys no longer wanted and he had managed to find a lot of good items. He pulled the first one down, deciding that he should go ahead and sort through them to find anything that he was still interested in wearing.

When he had finished with the first box and made a stack of shirts that he wanted to keep, he moved on to the next box, taking a moment to turn on the radio sitting in the corner. The second box contained jeans, most of which he determined he couldn’t keep considering he was so much taller than Brandon and Jesus. He moved on to the third box, which contained video games that he no longer played; he’d sell those to the game shop down by the beach to make some money. The last two boxes were a little less organized, each containing a mix of items that Jude had gathered over the last few years. Most of it was junk, but he still took his time sorting through it, recalling all of those years when he didn’t even have enough personal items to fill a single bookcase in his bedroom.

As he shoved the last box back where it belonged, he noticed a smaller shoebox pushed all the way to the back of the highest shelf. His heartbeat skipped, remembering what that box contained. It was only fitting that he would find that box again today; Fate really was working overtime this week. He slowly pulled the box off the shelf and opened it for the first time since placing the items in it the day after the LGBTQ prom two years ago.

The first item he saw was a black t-shirt. Jude didn’t need to unfold it to remember the phrase that was printed on it. At the time, he had been upset at Connor’s idea of a joke, not understanding why he couldn’t just leave the whole label thing alone. He tossed the shirt aside, revealing what was underneath it: a handheld game console that Connor had given him the first time he came over to the Adams Foster house, a ticket stub for _Bright Lights_ , and a half-empty bottle of blue nail polish.

Jude picked up the bottle. _War paint_. That’s what it had become for him; it had made him strong and brave and proud to be himself. Giving the bottle a few hard shakes, he unscrewed the applicator and began to paint his right pinky finger. Strength and bravery and pride was definitely something he needed today.

He was just getting ready to move on to the second finger when he heard someone yell over the music. Looking up towards the open garage door, Jude jumped when he saw Connor standing there. His reaction caused him to knock over the rest of the nail polish, the bottle rolling off the table and shattering onto the floor.

“Shit!” Jude exclaimed, turning to switch off the radio. When he turned back around, it was to see Connor rushing over to him. He had tossed his backpack on the table, grabbed the first thing he could find, which just happened to be the black t-shirt, and was now trying to mop up the spilled polish.

“Fuck, I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Connor said, worry evident in every syllable. “I just heard music playing from the garage when I pulled up and I thought I’d check back here. I should’ve just knocked on the front door like a normal person.” He finally stood, having cleaned up all the polish that he could. He looked up at Jude, his face apprehensive, but Jude was busy staring at the shirt in Connor’s hand. Connor looked down at it too, finally realizing that he hadn't just grabbed a rag. “Oh fuck, I just ruined one of your shirts. I am so sorry.”

Jude finally raised his eyes to Connor’s face, noticing his expression. It reminded Jude so strongly of the look on Connor’s face right before he had kissed him in his bedroom for the first time and Jude just couldn’t fucking take it anymore. He burst into laughter, clutching at the table to stay upright. When Connor’s faced transitioned from sad puppy to confused worry, he laughed even harder.

When Jude finally caught his breath, he reached for the ruined t-shirt in Connor’s hand. “This shirt is like two years old, I can’t even wear it anymore.” He unfolded it, revealing the white text on the front. “Actually, I never wore it, so no big loss.”

He looked at Connor out of the corner of his eye. He could see the boy staring down at the t-shirt, no doubt remembering everything associated with it. “Oh,” Connor said quietly, “that’s cool. I mean, good. That’s good. It’s a pretty stupid shirt, really. Whatever asshole gave it to you is probably happy that it’s ruined now.”

Jude looked back down at the t-shirt. “He wasn’t an asshole,” he said softly, touching the word ‘boyfriend’ with his fingers. “Besides, it’s a pretty funny joke, don’t you think?”

Jude looked back up at Connor, his face arranged in what he hoped was an apologetic expression. Connor stared at him, slightly shocked, as if he couldn’t believe what he had just heard. “If you say so,” he replied uncertainly. Jude nodded once, a soft smile taking shape on his face. He folded the t-shirt carefully, not caring that it was wet with nail polish, and placed it back in the box. When he finished, he looked up at Connor, finding the other boy staring at him with a look that Jude couldn’t really identify.

For the first time, Jude realized how he must look to Connor. He had been in the garage for hours, moving around dusty boxes in the Southern California midday heat; he was sweaty and dirty. His shirt was clinging tightly to him, putting his lean frame clearly on display. Even though Jude had grown into his height in the last year, that didn’t mean that he liked feeling so exposed, especially in front of his ex-boyfriend. He quickly turned away as he felt his cheeks begin to color. “So, um... Should we... Should we go in?” he asked awkwardly.

When Connor didn’t answer after a moment, Jude turned back to him. Connor’s eyes were focused on some point just below Jude’s chin, giving him a sort of glazed over look. Jude rolled his eyes in exasperation and snapped his fingers in front of Connor’s face.

“Sorry! Did you say something?” Connor asked, blinking his eyes rapidly and looking up at Jude guiltily.

Jude smiled. A nervous, flustered Connor Stevens was definitely something he could handle. He felt the tension and stress from the previous conversation evaporate in the heat of the day. “I asked if we should go inside,” Jude said with a smirk.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Connor said, his ears turning a truly adorable shade of pink. He turned and went to grab his backpack. Jude shook his head, barely able to believe how weird this day had already been. He picked up the shoebox and placed it back on the shelf where he had found it.

They walked to the house in silence. Jude entered the kitchen, leaving the door open for Connor to follow behind him. Neither Stef nor Lena were in sight. “Moms, I’m in the kitchen,” Jude yelled, turning back to see Connor raise his eyebrows in question. “They, um, they knew you were coming over so I just thought--”

“Right, of course,” Connor said, his smile growing. “So are we working in here?” he asked, gesturing to the kitchen table.

“Um, yeah, I thought we could. Over here,” Jude said, gesturing to the breakfast bar. He heard quick footsteps on the stairs, Stef’s voice entering the room before she did.

“Hey, love, you want some--,” she started to ask, pausing when she saw who else was in the room. “Well, hello Connor.” She sent a questioning glance towards Jude, who gave her a gentle smile in return.

“Hi, Mrs. Adams Foster,” Connor said, just slightly avoiding eye contact by looking over her shoulder.

“Stef is a lot shorter than all that, you know,” Stef said, giving Connor a wink. “Jude, you want some lunch? Mama and I saved some chicken salad for you.”

“Yeah, I’m just going to run upstairs and change first, if that’s okay?” he said, turning to Connor. Connor glanced over at Stef, whose back was to him as she pulled the chicken salad out of the refrigerator, before giving Jude a quick nod.

“Yeah, go ahead, love. What about you, Connor? Do you want some chicken salad?” Stef asked, turning back to the kitchen table.

“Yeah, sure, I’d love some,” Connor said, walking over to sit down. Jude waited a moment, making sure everything was okay, before heading upstairs to change his clothes.

At the top of the stairs, he ran into Lena, who was carrying a laundry basket full of folded clothes in her arms. “Thanks, Mama,” he said, quickly reaching in for a shirt and a pair of shorts.

“Oh, well, you’re welcome,” Lena said, turning to keep her eyes on Jude as he passed her and went into the bathroom. “Did you find anything to get rid of?”

Jude paused for a minute, his encounter with Connor making him forget what had made him so dirty in the first place. “Oh, yeah, I did. I’ll bring it all in later. Connor’s here now,” he said, pulling a washcloth down from the shelf.

“Wait, when did Connor get here? I didn’t hear the doorbell,” Lena said, poking her head into the bathroom.

“Yeah, he came and found me in the garage,” Jude said, wetting the cloth and then starting to clean his face.

“Oh, I see,” Lena said. “How’s it going so far?”

“Good. Really good, actually,” Jude said, relieved that he didn’t have to fake that he was okay this time. “It was a little tense at the very beginning, but then Connor did something kind of stupid and it made it easier.”

“What do you mean he did something kind of stupid?” Lena asked, slightly amused by how casually her son was talking about his ex-boyfriend.

“Mama, this is Connor we’re talking about,” Jude said with roll of his eyes, as if it was common sense that Connor was constantly doing things without thinking them through first.

Lena let out a small laugh. “Right, of course,” she said. “So where is Connor at now?” 

“Mom is making him lunch,” Jude said, running his wet fingers through his hair to fix it. 

“Of course she is,” Lena said, fondness in every word. “Well, I guess I’ll go say hello, then.” 

“Okay, I’ll be down in a minute,” Jude said. 

As soon as Lena left, Jude made quick work of changing his clothes and removing as much sweat and dirt as he possibly could. When he was satisfied, he threw his dirty clothes into the hamper, then went into his room to grab his books before heading back downstairs. 

He could hear Connor talking animatedly before he even entered the room, a sound that seemed equally strange and normal. Jude knew that the last two years had definitely happened, but today it almost didn’t feel like it. It felt like he was thirteen again and he had just invited his new friend from school to come over to hang out. The weight of the breakup and things left unsaid was still there, but it wasn’t nearly as suffocating as it had been lately.

For the first time, Jude felt like he and Connor could really do this; they could be lab partners for the next four months, and maybe, if they were lucky, friends again.

~~~ 

Once they finally started working on their lab report, they found that it wasn’t too hard. They had managed to collect all of the data that they needed during class on Friday, so they just needed to answer the set of questions that Ms. Noble had assigned them before compiling it all into a formal report. Before starting, they divided the sections of the report between the two of them, agreeing that it would be easier to write them separately and then edit them together into a single document.

“Twenty questions is kind of stupid for this lab,” Connor said, throwing his pen down after he and Jude had finally agreed on an answer for number eleven.

“Yeah, but we’re halfway done,” Jude said, flipping his paper to check a number in his data set before writing it down. When he finished, he looked over at Connor, who was glaring at his paper as if wishing he had the power to set it on fire with his eyes. Jude grinned and turned back to his assignment. Connor had never liked homework, pretty much despising it with every fiber of his being. Jude was glad to see that a year of high school had done nothing to remedy that fact. “Do you want to take a break?” he suggested.

“Hell yes!” Connor said, perking up like a puppy promised a treat. He slammed his notebook shut and backed away from if it as if it was his worst nightmare. “I’m gonna use the bathroom.”

“Okay. You want a drink?” Jude asked, moving towards the refrigerator.

“Yeah, water’s fine,” Connor said over his shoulder as he left the room.

Jude pulled the filtered pitcher off the top shelf and refilled both of their glasses. He circled around the table and started opening cabinets at random, looking for something to snack on. His phone chimed from where he had left it on the kitchen table after lunch, the screen lighting up with a new message. Sliding it open, he saw that it was from his mom.

**_Mama bought cookies for when you boys are hungry, they’re on the top shelf by the fridge_**

**Did you really just text me from upstairs?**

**_You bet your butt I did_**

**You’re the best, you know that?**

**_Oh I do_**

**:P**

**_You boys have fun! ;)_**

Jude tossed his phone back on the table and circled back around to grab the cookies off the shelf. Sometimes he couldn’t believe that people as awesome as Stef and Lena existed and, more than that, he couldn’t believe that they were his moms.

He had just sat back down in front of his assignment when he heard a noise from the living room. Looking over at the bathroom, he saw that the door was open and the light was off. Wondering what Connor could possibly be doing on the other side of the house, Jude got up and went to investigate, shoving a cookie in his mouth on the way.

He found Connor over by the TV, bent down by the shelves where Jude stored his video games. “What are you doing?” Jude asked, amused.

“Sorry, I just wanted to stretch my legs a bit since we’ve been sitting for so long,” Connor said, focus still on the games. “Besides, I haven’t been here in a while.” He looked up at Jude, a small smile on his face. “Not much has changed.”

The sentence seemed to be heavy with meaning and it took Jude a moment to respond. “No, it hasn’t.”

Jude watched as Connor’s smile widened just a fraction of an inch, his eyes almost seeming to sparkle. Then, quite suddenly, Connor broke the eye contact to look back down at the video game shelf. “But something that has changed is that you have Dystopia War Zone 3!” Connor exclaimed, pulling the game out and waving it around excitedly. “I’ve been wanting to buy this for months!”

“Yeah, but I haven’t played it yet,” Jude said, walking over and grabbing the game out of Connor’s hand. “The War Zone Forum says it’s not as good as 2, but the upgrades are really sweet.”

“You want to play it now?” Connor asked. “We can do the rest of the lab questions later, right?” He curled his bottom lip into a pout, staring up at Jude through his eyelashes. “Please?”

“Yes, God, now would you put that face away?” Jude said with a laugh, playfully pushing Connor out of the way to get to the console. Connor dived into the armchair in front of the TV with a high-pitched “Yippee!” For a sixteen-year-old, he had the uncanny ability to transform into a ten-year-old child at will, Jude thought fondly.

They were well into the game when Stef came downstairs with a pile of hand towels for the kitchen and bathroom. Jude had spent the last hour alternating between playing the game and watching Connor out of the corner of his eye. It was so weird to be hanging out with him again, as if everything was completely normal between them. For Jude, the tension was still there and he didn’t like it. He felt like maybe he should just try to apologize, to get the conversation started, and then they could move on from there. But with Connor acting like nothing was wrong, he didn’t know how to do it. Luckily, Stef saved him from making a decision when she entered the room.

“Hey boys,” she said, circling around so that she was standing next to the TV and could see their faces clearly. “You guys finish your report?” she asked, eyebrows raised.

“Almost,” Jude said, glancing over at Connor, who was still focused on the game. He reached over and slapped him on the shoulder, drawing his attention away from the screen.

“Oh, yeah, we’re about finished,” Connor said, grinning up at Stef.

“Well, how about you pause the game and finish up so that you can make sure you get it done today?” Stef suggested.

“Yeah, Mom. We can do that,” Jude said.

“Yeah, definitely,” Connor added.

“Great,” Stef said, clapping her hands together and heading towards the kitchen, Jude and Connor standing to follow. “Mama and I are going to go to the store to get stuff for dinner. Tacos okay with you?” she asked Jude as she searched through the cabinets to see what they were missing.

“Do we have ketchup?” Jude asked, sitting down with Connor at the breakfast bar.

“I will make sure that we do,” Stef said with a laugh, finishing her shopping list. “You boys need anything else?”

“I think we’re set,” Connor said, opening his notebook.

“Alright, well in case we’re not back before you leave, it was nice seeing you again, Connor,” Stef said, collecting her keys out of the designated bowl.

“It was nice to see you, too,” Connor said, grabbing a cookie from where Jude had left them over an hour ago.

Jude looked up in time to see Stef give him a wink before leaving the room. He shook his head, glancing down at his assignment for the next question.

“Dude, I can’t believe you still put ketchup on your tacos,” Connor said, staring at Jude like he had two heads or something.

“Um, why wouldn’t I?” Jude asked. “It’s delicious.”

“It’s disgusting,” Connor said, giving Jude a very serious look.

“Hey, I’ve never judged you for dipping French fries into your banana milkshakes,” Jude said, remembering the few weeks where Connor had insisted on having the weird combination every day for lunch in addition to his burger.

“How many times do I have to say it?” Connor said, throwing his pen back down on the table and turning to face Jude completely, “Salty plus sweet is a perfect partnership.”

“Personally, I think you only did it because you wanted to shove all of your food in your mouth at once. You could never eat like an actual human being,” Jude teased.

“I will have you know, Jude Adams Foster, that I still eat like that. It’s the most efficient way to do it,” Connor said, dropping his tone and leaning forward. Jude’s eyes dropped down to stare at Connor’s lips, realizing that they hadn’t been this close in a long time.

“I am not at all surprised,” Jude replied in a low voice, watching as Connor’s tongue darted out to lick his lips. His entire stomach dropped as the desire to close the gap between them and press his lips to Connor’s threatened to overwhelm him. He knew he couldn’t, that they shouldn’t. They hadn’t talked about anything yet and, to be honest, Jude didn’t even know if they were friends again. This entire day had been full of mixed signals and lingering stares and confusing conversations and he had no idea what to think about any of it. His body didn’t seem to need his brain’s permission at this current moment in time, however, because he suddenly felt himself lean forward into the pull of Connor’s lips.

The sound of the front door slamming shut after Stef and Lena’s departure finally made Jude’s body take direction from his brain, pulling him back into his chair seconds before their lips made contact. In fact, he pulled back so suddenly that he tipped his barstool over, crashing to the floor with a heavy thud.

“Jude!” Connor yelled, shooting to his feet and taking a step forward, stopping when Jude held up his hand, silently asking for space. He turned away, covering his face as he felt his ears color in embarrassment.

A deadly silence invaded the kitchen as each boy remained frozen, waiting for the other to say or do something. Just when Jude felt as if the silence would drown them completely, he heard Connor shift slightly. “Jude?” he asked.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Jude said sharply, getting to his feet but keeping his back to Connor.

He couldn’t believe this; he couldn’t _fucking_ believe this. All week he had worried that he wouldn’t know what to say to Connor, that there was no way to fix everything that they had broken. He had lost sleep, he had remained silent through an entire class period, he had even talked everything over with Taylor and with his moms, all to refrain from fucking everything up. And here he was, basically treating Connor like everything was normal, and he had almost _kissed_ him. He was such a fucking idiot.

Jude took a deep breath, his eyes stinging with tears. “Would you, um, would you mind if we message each other about the rest of the questions tomorrow?” he asked, his voice rough. “I, um, I forgot that I made plans with Taylor soon.”

“Jude, look at me,” Connor urged him, his voice nervous.

Jude turned slowly to look at Connor, his eyes wide with shame and humiliation. “Tomorrow. Please?” he pleaded.

Connor’s expression was heavy with hurt and Jude felt his heart break, knowing that he had been the one to put it there. “Yeah. Yeah, we can, um, we can message about these,” Connor finally said, gesturing to his assignment. He quickly gathered his things, sneaking glances at Jude the entire time. Jude kept his eyes on the countertop, his tears growing more and more intense as they threatened to spill over. When he was finished and ready to leave, Connor looked up at Jude one last time. “I’ll see you on Monday,” he said.

Jude gave a quick nod, his eyes still on the bar as Connor left the room. He remained in place until he heard the front door close, letting out a harsh breath when it finally did. Moving a few steps forward, he collapsed onto the barstool, finally allowing his tears to fall.

~~~

**Movie night?**

**_You bring the movie, tv, popcorn, soda, couch, blankets, and ice cream. I’ll bring myself._**

**Wow, you’re doing quite a lot of heavy lifting there, aren’t you?**

**_I’m the girl. I’m not supposed to do the work. You’re the boy. Serve me._**

**You can’t exactly play stereotypes, considering I’m gay.**

**_Yes, but I know you’re straight for me._**

**…**

**_It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it. I’ve already decided that we’re better off as friends._**

**You’re the worst.**

**_And you love me all the more for it._**

**Are you coming over for dinner?**

**_Menu?_ **

**Tacos.**

**_On my way!_**

~~~ 

“Okay, spill. What happened?” Taylor said, grabbing the remote off the coffee table and pausing the movie.

“What do you mean?” Jude asked, looking up from his phone. He hadn’t really been doing anything on it; he was just holding it and… waiting.

“You’ve been staring at your phone for the past hour, but I can tell that you haven’t been doing anything on it,” Taylor said, sitting up straight to prepare for her diatribe. “I’ve made about five comments in the past two minutes and you responded to none of them, you were really quiet during dinner which _never_ happens, your moms gave me a desperate look that basically screamed ‘Help us, please!’ when I got here, and I know Connor came over today to work on your lab. So, spill. Now.”

Jude stared down at the floor, his thoughts from earlier today rising from where he had managed to shove them down. When his moms had gotten home, he had wiped away his tears and acted like everything was just fine. He should have known that they would see right through it, but he didn’t think he could talk about what had happened with Connor; remembering it still made him sick to his stomach.

“Was it bad?” Taylor asked, softening her tone when she saw how vulnerable Jude looked. “Jude?”

It was her tone more than anything that made Jude break down again; she sounded just like Connor had after Jude had told him to leave. His shoulders began to shake as his eyes filled with tears for the second time today. He felt the couch shift and then suddenly Taylor was tucked stiffly beside him, her arms coming around him cautiously. “What are you doing?” Jude asked, knowing that Taylor hated touchy-feely moments.

“Shut up,” she said stiffly. “You need this, so I am here for you. Even though I hate hugs with every fiber of my being.”

“Would you get off me, you big mush?” Jude teased, pushing her off. He could see the way her eyes widened gratefully as she put a little space between them. 

“So what happened?” Taylor asked again. 

Jude took a breath. Maybe sharing it with someone would help him figure out what to do about it, he thought. It couldn’t hurt to try. “We were actually doing really well. Like, it was a little awkward when he first got here, but then it got easier. We had lunch and he talked to my moms about baseball and his summer. And then we worked on our lab questions for an hour, so that was pretty easy. He just seemed really okay with everything, like nothing had happened between us. And it just didn’t make any sense to me, you know?” 

Taylor nodded, urging Jude to go on. 

“Anyway, we took a break and played a video game for a while. And then when we were getting back to our lab, things got, like, flirty,” Jude continued. He saw Taylor perk up at the same time that he felt his heart sink into his stomach. This was so hard to talk about. “And we, um, I… I almost kissed him,” he finished weakly, a few tears spilling over onto his cheeks, which he quickly wiped away. 

“Oh my god,” Taylor said excitedly. “What did he do? Did he freak out?” She gasped dramatically. “Did he try to kiss you back?! Oh my god, I knew it!” 

“What did you know?” Jude asked incredulously. 

“You two are totally OTP, oh my god,” Taylor said, standing on the couch and jumping up and down. 

“Would you sit down, you weirdo!” Jude said, yanking her back down onto her butt. “I thought Daria and Connor were OTP?” he teased, recalling one of the first conversations he ever had with Taylor. 

“How the hell do you remember that?” Taylor asked, staring a Jude like she didn’t know exactly what to do with him. “Besides, I never believed that Daria and Connor were meant to be. And she clearly didn’t factor in his sexuality.” 

“Clearly,” Jude scoffed, looking back down at his phone. 

“So,” Taylor said, fixing Jude with an oddly serious stare. “You almost kissed?” 

“Almost,” Jude said. “And then we didn’t. And I fell off the barstool. And then I basically told him to leave.” 

“Aw, was he upset that you tried to attack him with your lips?” Taylor said, nudging Jude in the side. 

“I don’t know. He was upset, but I think it was just because I practically threw him out of the house,” Jude said. He hated making Connor upset; that boy’s kicked puppy face would’ve made Hitler weak. 

“Wow. Busy afternoon,” Taylor said. “And to think, I was just sitting at home binge-watching shitty television.” 

Jude appreciated that Taylor kept trying to lighten the mood, but he just couldn’t stop thinking back to how humiliated he had been in front of Connor. They were just starting to get back on track and Jude had tried to skip a million steps in the process. He felt like he had ruined any chance that they had to be friends again. 

“So, what’re you going to do now?” Taylor asked, reaching for the remote and the bowl of popcorn sitting on the table. 

“I have no idea,” Jude said. 

“What do you think you should do?” 

“I feel like I should apologize, try to fix this.” 

“Then do it. Quickly, because you have to watch this movie. It’s stupid and you need a good laugh before bed.”

She turned the movie back on, shoving a handful of popcorn into her mouth. Jude stared at the screen for a minute, not really processing what he was seeing, and then looked back down at his phone. Taking a deep breath, he unlocked it for the first time in over an hour and sent a message to Connor. 

 **Hey. I’m sorry about acting so weird earlier.**  

Feeling slightly better, he was just about to shut his phone down and watch the movie when it chimed with a new text. 

 **_Im really sorry too. I didnt mean for it to get that far. I was so nervous about today and I think my nerves just made me act stupid_**  

Jude stared at the text in surprise. What did Connor have to be sorry for? It’s not like he had tried to assault Jude with his lips. 

 **I was nervous too. I felt like we needed to talk about so many things, clear the air. But I didn’t know how to bring it up.**

**_We can, you know. Talk. Clear the air. We can definitely do that. I want to do that._**

**I don’t want to do it through text, though.**

**_Me neither. We should definitely do it in person_**  

Jude smiled at his phone, glad that Connor was accepting his weird request without question. He set his phone down on the table and grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl, settling in to watch the movie. He had watched about five minutes of it when his phone chimed again.

 **_We can still talk until then right? I really dont want to stop talking to you again_** ****

Jude couldn’t have stopped grinning even if he tried. Sometimes, Connor knew _exactly_ the right thing to say. 

~~~ 

 **_Im pretty sure Noble was going to flip her desk when Savannah asked her about dependent variables for the 6 th time_**

**No, I’m pretty sure she was about to breathe fire. You didn’t see the steam coming out of her nose?**  

 **_I couldnt tell if it was just a trick of light or not_** ****

**Nope, definitely steam.** ****

**_The Noble Dragon_**

**We are not calling her that.**

**_Dude why not?? It sounds metal_**

**It sounds like you’ve spent too much time playing Fantasy Fighters.**

**_IT. WAS. A. PHASE. For like a month. Stop judging_**

**I am never letting you live that down**

**_It was a lonely month okay_**

**I’m sure it was.**

**_Not one of my finest moments_** ****

**Add it to this list.**

**_:P you’re mean, you know that?_**

**Only because I care.**

“Earth to Jude,” Taylor said from somewhere near him. He pulled his gaze away from his phone to see that they had stopped at their lockers. Jude looked down the hallway in the direction that they had come.

“How many people did I almost run into?” he asked apologetically.

“Five,” Taylor said, side-eying him as she opened her locker and pulled out her books for her afternoon classes. “Don’t worry, I apologized to them for you.” 

“Sorry,” Jude said, pocketing his phone and turning to open his locker, thinking back to the last text he had sent. He panicked, thinking that Connor might read into it the wrong way. The last thing he wanted was more tension between them. 

“You’ve been practically attached to your phone all week. Tell me you two are at least speaking in person as well,” Taylor said, slamming her locker shut and leaning against it to wait for Jude. 

“We’ve talked. A bit,” he said, avoiding her gaze. “Mostly small stuff. I mean, the texts are small stuff too.” He turned to see Taylor giving him a look. “We’re avoiding the big stuff until we have a chance to really talk, face-to-face.” 

It was true. Whether texting or talking in-person, he and Connor tried to keep things strictly friendly. They talked about classes or movies or video games; anything but themselves. After the almost disaster of a kiss, Jude wanted to keep the awkwardness out of their relationship as much as possible. Unfortunately, his brain seemed to have other ideas, providing a default flirtatious tone whenever he texted Connor. It was driving him crazy with worry. 

“Of course, of course,” Taylor said, looking over Jude’s shoulder. “Speaking of Prince Charming…” 

She trailed off, eyebrows raised, as Jude turned to see Connor approaching them. “Don’t call him that,” he muttered, giving Connor an awkward smile. He hoped this had nothing to do with that last text he sent; he could not handle that discussion right now. 

“Hey,” Connor said, giving Jude a soft smile before turning to Taylor. “Hey, Taylor.” 

Taylor glanced between the two of them before fixing Connor with an overly bright smile. “Connor, long time, no see!” 

Connor and Jude stared at her, neither of them having any idea what to say to that. Connor glanced over at Jude, who just shrugged. He was pretty certain that Taylor was planning something, he could tell by the slightly evil gleam in her eyes, but he had no idea what it could be. With Taylor, he had learned that it was best to just let her do her thing and deal with the consequences later. 

“So what are you doing after school today?” Taylor asked, sending a wink to Jude, who just stared at her in ignorant horror. 

“Oh, um, I have a practice game,” Connor said, rocking back and forth on his feet. 

“Well, damn,” Taylor said, before perking up again. “What about after the game?” she asked. 

Jude wanted to interject and ask Taylor what the hell she thought she was doing, but before he could, Connor answered. 

“Um, nothing really. It’s just the game and homework tonight,” Connor said. 

Jude swore he saw Taylor’s entire face light up with a glow of triumph and his entire stomach sank, dreading whatever she was planning. 

“Awesome! We’ll come watch the game and then we can all go out afterwards to celebrate,” she suggested. 

“But it’s just a practice game,” Connor said, confused. 

“Doesn’t mean we can’t eat after, right?” Taylor said as the bell for the next period rang overhead. “Come on, Jude, we’ve got class. See you later, Connor! And good luck with the game!” She took Jude by the arm and dragged him off, leaving him to wave an apologetic goodbye in Connor’s direction. 

“What the hell was that about?” he asked as soon as they had turned the corner and Taylor released his arm. 

“What, did you get distracted by Connor’s biceps and miss the whole conversation?” she scoffed, entering the classroom. “We’re seeing a baseball game after school.” 

“I got that part,” Jude sassed, glaring at her as they sat down. “What I don’t get is _why_ we’re hanging out afterwards.” 

Taylor bent down to grab her things out of her backpack, ignoring Jude’s confusion. Apparently, he would have to wait until after school to find out what plan Taylor’s devilish brain had cooked up.

~~~ 

It didn’t take very long for Jude to figure out what Taylor’s angle was; as soon as they found their place on the bleachers, she turned to him with a look. 

“Hey, so I forgot that my dad needs me home right after the game,” she said, looking as apologetic as possible. “He has to work a little late and I’m making dinner.”

Jude stared at her, wondering, not for the first time, if the devil truly was inside of her and if there was an exorcist in San Diego that he could call to get rid of it. “So, what you’re saying,” Jude started, trying to keep his voice level, “is that you made plans for you, me, and Connor to hang out after this game, and now you conveniently won’t be coming. Did I get that right?”

Taylor winced at Jude’s sharper-than-normal tone. “Yes?” she said, seeming to question if she should be honest with him.

Jude gave a sharp nod, turning back to the field as the Anchor Beach team strolled out of the locker rooms and headed for the dugout. He could see Connor towards the front of the pack, his baseball bat in one hand and his jersey thrown over his shoulder. Jude couldn’t help but to notice how his baseball pants squeezed his thighs and put his butt on clear display. He probably would have been fine, if the tight athletic undershirt that covered his top half didn’t put every other part of his body on display as well. Jude groaned in frustration, vowing to kill Taylor as soon as possible for making him come here. 

“Look, I’m sorry,” Taylor said, reaching out to clasp his shoulder in a gesture of comfort. “You were talking about how you and Connor were waiting for a chance to really talk about things and I just thought I would, you know, get the ball rolling.” 

“By forcing us into an awkward one-on-one post-game hangout?” Jude bit back. 

“Personally, I think it’ll only be awkward for you,” Taylor said, glancing back to the field. “Connor looks more than happy to get some Jude time.” 

Jude followed her gaze back down to the field, where he could see Connor taking some practice swings. He would look over in their direction after every one, and when he noticed Jude looking back, he gave a wave, his bright grin completely visible even at this distance. Jude grinned and waved back, feeling ridiculous and awkward. 

“See?” Taylor said, nudging Jude in the side. “Told you.” 

“You don’t think that’s weird at all?” Jude asked, voicing a concern that had been growing stronger all week. “That he just acts like everything is normal?” 

“What do you mean?” Taylor asked as the practice game finally started. 

“Remember how I told you he was acting on Saturday? Like we hadn’t gone two years without speaking?” Jude reminded her as the crack of the bat signaled the first hit. 

“Yeah, but he told you that he was nervous, too,” Taylor said, watching as the runner was tagged out at second. 

“Well he said he was, but he didn’t seem like it,” Jude said. “What if he just said he was nervous to make me feel better?” It was definitely something Connor would do. 

“What do you mean?” Taylor asked again, watching as Connor moved forward to bat. 

They paused their conversation to watch Connor, collectively groaning when he swung but missed. He swung again, missing the ball a second time as it flew into the catcher’s mitt. “I’d say someone’s a little nervous today. Like he’s extra pressured to perform for someone or something,” Taylor said as Connor stepped back from the plate. 

Jude watched as he swung the bat a few times, trying to adjust his form. Right before he stepped back to the plate, Connor glanced up towards where Jude and Taylor were sitting. Jude gave him a small smile and a thumbs up as Connor moved back towards the base. The pitcher threw the ball and Connor swung, his bat finally making contact with the ball. It flew straight past second base and landed in the outfield, where it was quickly grabbed and thrown to first, but not before Connor made it there safely. Jude let out a sigh, the tension seeping out of his bones. He didn’t think Taylor was right, but if there was any chance that she was, he didn’t want to be the one to mess up Connor’s game today. 

“So you were saying?” Taylor asked with a smirk. 

Jude paused, trying to decide if he really wanted to tell her. It was basically the equivalent of opening Pandora’s Box; he wouldn’t be able to take it back if he let it out. He eventually decided that he needed to tell _someone_ ; it was causing him too much stress and he needed to figure out how to deal with it as soon as possible. 

“What if, I don’t know, what if the breakup didn’t affect Connor as much as it did me?” Jude asked, his voice barely a whisper. “What if the reason why it’s so easy for him now is because it was never hard for him in the first place?” 

“You’re kidding me, right?” Taylor scoffed, turning and straddling the row so that she could face Jude completely. “Jude, look at me.” He didn’t. “Look at me, Jude,” she said again. He turned and straddled the row as well, so that they were face-to-face. “That boy? He _loves_ you. No, don’t you dare give me that look. He does. You don’t have to believe me, but you do have to listen to me. Do you remember when I told you he asked about you all the time last year?” 

“You don’t know that that’s what he was doing,” Jude argued. 

“Yes, I do. But, fine, he wasn’t. Whatever,” Taylor snapped. “Maybe I don’t know that he was asking about you and maybe I don’t know that he loves you. But you know who does? He does,” she said, pointing down to the field. “So talk to him. After this game, talk to him. Ask him questions, get answers. Put your sad little worried heart to rest. Fix this so that you can stop staring at him like he’s your worst nightmare or your biggest wet dream, depending on the day and your mood.” 

She turned back to watch the game, giving Jude a moment to process. 

Taylor was right, in a way. He couldn’t keep tiptoeing around Connor; it would just keep driving him crazy. He needed to know where they stood. He remembered the last time that he and Connor were in a situation like this: Connor had been sending him a bunch of mixed signals and Jude had gotten sick of it, so he’d confronted Connor about it, telling him exactly how he was making him feel, and Connor had kissed him. And maybe that relationship hadn’t worked out, but at least confronting him had finally cleared Jude’s head. Maybe it would work this time, as well. Except, this time, Connor wasn’t the only one sending mixed signals. Jude needed to do some clarifying, too. 

He turned back to the game, watching as a batter hit a home run, clearing the bases and scoring three runs for Connor’s team.

“You know what you’re going to do?” Taylor asked, glancing over at him. 

Jude nodded. “Yeah, I think so.”

At least, he hoped he did. 

~~~ 

When the practice game finally ended, Taylor and Jude grabbed their bags and descended the steps of the bleachers to wait by the dugout. Jude could see Connor wiping off his sweaty face with a towel and his breath caught in his throat. Breathe, he thought, just breathe. No dirty thoughts allowed.

Connor must have felt someone staring at him, because he looked up at that exact moment, catching Jude in the act. With a grin, he bent over to pick up his bat (Jude really wanted to burn those fucking pants) and approached them.

“Hey,” he said, fixing Jude with a soft smile, his eyes sparkling. 

“Congrats on the win,” Taylor said, pulling Connor’s attention away from Jude. “Even if it was just a practice game.” 

“Thanks,” he said, shooting Jude a look beneath his eyelashes. “You okay, Jude?” 

“What?” Jude asked, snapping out of his daze. “Yeah, I’m good.” 

Connor laughed, turning towards the locker rooms. “I’ll be quick, okay?” 

“Sure,” Taylor said, “we’ll be right here.” 

Jude waited until Connor was out of sight before rounding on Taylor. “Except _we_ won’t be right here.” 

“It’s fine. I’ll leave now and when he comes back out just tell him that my dad called and needed me home,” Taylor said. “Then you two can go off on your date.” 

“Taylor!” Jude started, but she was already backing away towards the parking lot. With a smile, a wave, and a “Have fun!,” she turned and ran towards her car, giving Jude no chance to respond. 

Jude stood there, mouth open in disbelief. _Shit_. Connor was totally going to think this was a date, wasn’t he? Jude could not handle that; he was not ready for it. He had _just_ convinced himself to talk to Connor, there was no way that he could handle a date with him. Then again, maybe he was freaking out for no reason. Maybe Connor had no intention of ever dating him again; maybe they would have this talk and then just be friends again. Jude was okay with that, Jude could totally handle that. Then he remembered Connor toweling off his sweat and his ass in those baseball pants and the way his body had reacted to both images. Okay, maybe he couldn’t handle that. Jude groaned, burying his face in his hands. He was so screwed. 

He heard a throat being cleared off to his right, and he looked up to see Connor standing there. He was wearing a tank top and shorts, his hair dripping with water, having apparently decided to air dry after his shower, the asshole. Jude closed his eyes and breathed deeply, praying to anyone who would listen for the strength to get through this. He glanced at Connor. “Hey,” he said. 

“Hey,” Connor said, looking around. “Where’s Taylor?” 

“Oh, um, her dad called and said he needed her home,” Jude lied. 

“Oh,” Connor said, his face seeming to light up for a second before it fell. “It must be a trend today.” At Jude’s confused look, he explained. “My dad actually just sent me a text saying he needs me home after practice. Something about a busted pipe in our basement.” 

“Oh, right,” Jude said, his heart sinking. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Connor said, and he looked it. 

“No, it’s definitely okay. I understand. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Jude asked, masking his emotions. 

“Yeah, of course. It’s lab day,” Connor said, grinning. 

“Right, yeah. Lab day,” Jude said, returning the smile. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Jude turned and started walking towards the parking lot, but turned back when he heard Connor call out. 

“Hey, Jude! Um, thanks. You know, for coming to practice. I, um, I really liked having you here,” he said, avoiding eye contact. 

Jude smiled. “I really liked being here.” 

Connor looked up at him, a wide smile transforming his face. “Yeah?” 

“Definitely,” Jude said. 

“Good. That’s good, I’m glad.” Connor said, running his hand nervously through his wet hair. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, tomorrow,” Jude said, shaking his head at how absolutely ridiculous they were. “Bye.” 

“Bye, Jude,” Connor said, turning and walking back towards the locker rooms. Jude waited for him to disappear out of sight, his shoulders seeming even broader in the tight tank top that he was wearing, before he turned and headed towards the parking lot. 

If there was one thing that Jude was certain of, it was that he was so totally fucking screwed when it came to Connor Stevens.  

~~~ 

When Jude arrived home twenty minutes later, he found his moms in the kitchen, finishing dinner. He had visited Lena in her office at school to let her know that he wouldn’t be home to eat, but his plans had obviously changed since then. He figured that they would’ve planned an intimate dinner for two or something with him out of the way, but what he saw was quite different; the table already featured two large bowls of pasta and salad. 

“Oh, hey love,” Stef said, turning from the counter to place a plate of bread on the table. 

“Hey, buddy, I didn’t think you were going to be home for dinner,” Lena said, giving him a confused look as she wiped her hands off with a towel. 

“Plans changed,” Jude said with a noncommittal shrug, placing his backpack down by the stairs. “You’ve got enough food for me, right?” 

“Yeah, sure, of course,” Stef said, sharing a short look with her wife. “We’ll set another place while you wash up.” 

Jude gave a short nod and turned towards the bathroom. He knew that his moms would want details on why his plans had changed, especially plans involving Connor. They had been a little more attentive this week than they usually were (which was definitely saying something), asking him every day how school was and how his friends were doing. Far from annoyed, Jude was grateful for the constant questions; for the past week, he had constantly felt like he was drowning in all of his feelings about Connor. Even though he always answered the questions with a “fine” or an “everyone’s okay,” it was nice to know that if those feelings ever did overwhelm him, he wouldn’t be alone. 

He finished washing his hands and face, drying them both off before switching off the light and heading back to the kitchen. He saw that two additional place settings had been laid out, making for a total of four. “Are we expecting someone for dinner?” Jude asked his moms.

“That would be me,” a familiar voice said behind him. The grin had already broken out across his face by the time he turned to see Callie standing at the top of the stairs. 

“Oh my god,” Jude said, running to his sister and wrapping her in a hug. He was so enthusiastic that he even picked her up, spinning her around as she giggled. 

“Oh god, put me down you animal,” she squealed through her laughs. When he did, she took a small step back, looking him up and down. “When did you get so big?” she asked, her eyes wide in surprise. 

“I’ve been taller than you for two years now,” Jude said, crossing his arms over his chest and raising an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, but now you’re all muscular and handsome,” Callie fired back, reaching out to squeeze his bicep playfully. “I bet you’re fighting the boys off with a stick.” 

Jude thought briefly of the few dates he had been on over the summer, none of which had led to any real relationship. He had some pretty high standards from his first relationship that just couldn’t be matched by any random boy, no matter how cute they were. His thoughts turned to that particular standard-setting ex-boyfriend now, as they had basically done all week, and he was sure he would have gotten lost in his Connor worries if Callie hadn’t snapped him out of it. 

“Jude?” she said, reaching out to shake him. 

“Sorry,” Jude said, glancing quickly over to his moms, who were sharing another concerned look. They’d definitely have questions tonight. “So, what are you doing here?” 

“I don’t have any classes on Fridays, so I thought I’d come down for a long-weekend visit,” Callie said, moving towards the table to start eating. Stef, Lena, and Jude followed, all of them loading their plates.

“And you both knew this?” Jude asked, sending a playful glare at his moms. 

“She wanted to surprise you, love,” Stef said, digging in to her spaghetti. “Who are we to deny her that right?”

Jude just shook his head, taking a bite out of his garlic bread. Lena picked up the conversation, asking Callie about her classes at The Art Institute of Los Angeles, and they all sank into the routine of a regular family dinner night. Jude was happy to have Callie at home to help divide the conversation, as he still hadn’t figured out how he felt about this afternoon and his last exchange with Connor. 

It seemed like they couldn’t go one conversation without saying something heavy with meaning to one another; Jude hated to admit that he loved whenever it happened. It allowed him to buy into Taylor’s crazy notion that Connor wanted to be more than his friend, even though that dream bubble always popped quickly afterwards.  

He turned to watch his sister talk extensively about her summer internship in New York, her face animated as she described all of the photoshoots that she had gotten to work on and all of the amazing foster kids that she had met while she was there. She looked so happy, studying at a school that allowed her to do exactly what she wanted to do, work that was really important to her. Sometimes, Jude hated that her dreams had taken her almost three hours away, but whenever he saw her talk about her classes and friends and internships, he knew she was right where she needed to be. 

Eventually, Callie exhausted all of her stories and the conversation turned to Stef and Lena talking about their jobs and their days. Apparently, Lena had had her hands full this afternoon with two seventh graders who tried to light their teacher on fire with a magnifying glass, which was actually a pretty difficult feat. When Jude busted up laughing at that, Lena shot him a glare, only to realize that Stef was barely managing to hold hers at bay. Lena’s responding pout had them all laughing out loud, and eventually even she even cracked a smile herself, despite her constant attempts to remind them that attempted arson “was not funny, you guys.” 

When the laughter finally died down, Stef turned to Jude, leveling him with a soft look. “So, Jude, how was the baseball game?” 

Jude sobered almost instantly, realizing that the grace period that Callie’s presence had afforded him had finally come to an end. “It was fine,” he said quietly, glancing down at his plate. 

“What baseball game?” Callie asked, turning to Jude with a confused look. “You don’t like baseball.” 

“There was a practice game at school today,” Lena interjected, “so Jude went with Taylor.” 

“Why, does Taylor have a crush on one of the players or something?” Callie asked casually, shoveling a forkful of pasta into her mouth. 

Jude glanced up at his moms, who both gave him looks of support, letting him know that they were there if he needed them. He nodded, turning to face Callie, who had yet to notice the tension now present at the table. “No, um, Connor was playing.” 

Callie’s fork froze an inch from her mouth as she turned to look at Jude. “You went to watch Connor play?” she asked, setting her fork down. Jude nodded. “Why?” 

“Because he’s my friend and I wanted to,” Jude said, a hint of sass sneaking into his response. He’d guessed that Callie would freak out about this, but he was just really hoping that this time would be different. The stress from this week was already pushing him to his breaking point. 

“You and Connor are not friends. You two haven’t spoken in years,” Callie said, her eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. 

Jude shot a pleading look towards his moms, begging them to help him. 

“Jude and Connor,” Stef said, immediately jumping to his aid, “are lab partners this semester. They’ve been talking again for almost a week now.” 

“How could you let this happen?” Callie said, suddenly rounding on Lena. “You’re the vice-principal, surely you could get him reassigned to another partner.” 

“I didn’t want reassigned to another partner,” Jude said angrily. “I wanted to be Connor’s partner.” 

“You wanted to be partners with the boy who broke your heart?” Callie scoffed, disbelief clear in every word. 

“Connor did not break my heart, quit being so dramatic,” Jude said, rolling his eyes as he stood and moved to rinse his plate off. 

“That’s bull and you know it,” Callie said, moving to join him. “That boy broke up with you in the middle of prom and then stopped talking to you for two years!”

“It was more complicated than that and you know it,” Jude said, his voice rising in defense of his ex. 

“Oh, was it? Because I seem to remember you running out of prom in tears. I seem to remember having to hold you in my arms as you cried all the way home. I seem to remember you refusing to talk for a week after it happened. No one in this house could mention his name for fear of you freaking out. Do you remember any of that, or is that too complicated for you?” she spewed, chest rising and falling with the effort of her attack. 

Jude fixed her with a look so deadly that he saw Stef and Lena rise and move towards them. He held out his hand, causing them to stop, before he moved a step closer to his sister. He glared down at her, glad that his height gave him that advantage. “You seem to remember a lot,” Jude said, his voice quiet and tense, “but you seem to forget that I’m not thirteen years old anymore. I’m not a child, and you don’t get to tell me who I can and can’t be friends with. Do you get that, or is it too complicated for you?” 

He turned to give his moms an apologetic look before leaving the kitchen and storming up the stairs, slamming his bedroom door behind him.

~~~ 

His moms only gave him an hour to himself before they came knocking on his door. Jude had spent that time trying to do his homework, though he was having a hard time focusing. He hated fighting with Callie, especially when he hadn’t seen her in so long. Her internship in New York had lasted the entire summer, and by the time she had returned her classes had started in L.A. Now that all of his brothers and sisters were off to college, Jude was alone in the house; he always loved when one of them visited because it made the house feel a little bit more like it had when he had first arrived: bursting at the seams and full of crazy people. He just hated that the excitement of having Callie back home for a few days had evaporated so quickly.

Her words about Connor wouldn’t go away, either. They had done nothing to assuage the worry and panic that he had been feeling all week; if anything, her words strengthened his doubts. Even though he didn’t like to think about it, he honestly had been completely crushed when he and Connor broke up. It wasn’t so much that he had lost a boyfriend; Jude and Connor were both new to dating and there had always been a good chance that they would mess it up. It was more that he had lost his first true friend. After the breakup, he had never felt more alone. For the first time in a long time, Jude had found something that was just his, that he could keep; and then he had lost it.

The knock on his door interrupted his spiraling thoughts and he quickly paused the music playing from his phone as he turned to the door. “Come in,” he said, preparing himself for the lecture that was bound to be on the other side. 

“Hey, love,” Stef said, entering the room. Lena followed her in, both of them placing themselves at the end of his bed. Jude sat up and crossed his legs, preparing for the onslaught. 

“We just wanted to talk about some of the things that were said downstairs,” Lena said, her face lined with a mother’s worry. Jude nodded, remaining silent. 

“How are things with Connor?” Stef asked. 

Jude looked up, surprised. This is not how he thought this conversation was going to go. “Oh, um, they’re fine, I guess,” he said, shrugging. 

“Why did your dinner plans change?” Lena asked. 

“Well, Taylor never had any intention of going out after the game. She thought Connor and I needed some alone time to talk about stuff, so she made up an excuse of needing to be home,” Jude said, twisting his fingers nervously. 

“And what did you think?” Stef said. “Did you think you and Connor needed some alone time?” 

“Yeah,” Jude said quietly. “We haven’t actually talked about anything. For the past week we’ve just been avoiding it all. I told Taylor that we were just waiting for the right moment to really talk.” 

“Were you ready to talk today?” Lena said, reaching out to grasp his knee in comfort. 

“I thought I was,” Jude said, staring down at her hand. 

“So what happened to dinner with Connor?” Lena asked. 

“His dad needed him home. Something about a broken pipe,” Jude said. 

“Ah,” Stef said, looking over to Lena. “So, love, I have to ask. What are you hoping happens with Connor now that you’re talking again?” 

Jude thought for a moment before answering. That was the big question, wasn’t it? The one question that he couldn’t answer. He didn’t know if Connor just wanted to be friends or something more, and he didn’t want to expect anything and then be let down when it didn’t happen. But he also didn’t know if he could just be Connor’s friend; there was so much history between them, so many feelings that just wouldn’t go away. “I just want him back,” Jude finally said, “in whatever way I can have him.” 

His moms shared a look before moving to either side of him, wrapping him in their arms. Jude was pretty certain that there was nothing in this world better than a mom sandwich.

“Love, you know that we will never tell you who you can and can’t spend time with,” Stef said, placing a kiss to his forehead. “Especially Connor. We know he’s a wonderful boy.” 

“What we care about is whether or not spending time with him is right for you,” Lena said, picking up her wife’s thought. “Callie was right about the breakup, it really tore you apart. So we just want to make sure that whatever happens, that you’re going to be okay.” 

“Just make sure you take care of you, okay?” Stef said, squeezing him tighter. “If you’re sure that spending time with Connor is what you really want, we will stand beside you no matter what.”

“We just want you to be happy,” Lena finished, placing a kiss on his cheek. 

Jude nodded, overwhelmed. He was thankful every day for finding these two. He held onto them tightly for a moment, hoping they understood how much their love and support meant to him. 

“Okay, love,” Stef said, finally pulling away, “homework and bed, okay?” 

“And find a time to talk to your sister,” Lena added as she let go of him. “She means well, even if she’s really bad at showing it.” 

“I will,” Jude said. “I promise.” 

“We love you,” Stef said, following Lena out the door. 

“I love you, too,” Jude said, watching the door close behind them. He turned back to his phone, restarting his music, and pulled his homework towards him, doing his best to put both Callie and Connor out of his mind. He done too much worrying over the both of them for one day; they could wait until tomorrow. 

~~~ 

When Jude walked into his science class the next day, he could tell that Connor was worried that today’s lab might be as bad as their first one. He gave Jude an uncertain grin as the bell rang and Ms. Noble began class. Even though they had left in a good place last night, Jude could understand his doubts; he knew that sometimes he could be unpredictable. Taylor had basically spelled out the same thing to him during the baseball game.

He could feel the tension radiating off of Connor as they sat listening to Ms. Noble’s introduction to the lab, his foot tapping nervously on his stool. Jude leaned over slowly, trying not to cause a disruption, and whispered, “Don’t worry, the voice is working today.” He saw Connor crack a smile, his stress seeming to disappear in waves.

It didn’t take them too long to complete the lab; it was a fairly simple assignment and now that they were acting somewhat normally, their natural chemistry made it even easier. They finished with almost twenty minutes to spare, which they used to answer the lab questions. By the time the bell rang, they had finished the questions and divided up the sections of the lab report, meaning they wouldn’t need to get together over the weekend. Jude was both elated and upset by that; on the one hand, there would be no repeat of last weekend, but on the other, he wouldn’t have a reason to see Connor for the next two days. 

The rest of the day passed with relatively uneventful news. Taylor was upset to hear that Connor had bailed on dinner, effectively ruining her plan; Jude could still see a spark in her eyes, though, and knew that her meddling was far from over. By the time the final bell rang, signaling the start of the weekend, Jude was exhausted. He hadn’t been sleeping too well, his brain refusing to shut up for hours each night, so he was ready to get home and try to relax for the next two days. 

That is why Stef found him sitting in front of the TV when she got home, playing Dystopia War Zone 3 and trying his best to beat all of Connor’s high scores. 

“Hey, love, how was school?” she said, collapsing into the chair next to him and closing her eyes.

“Fine,” Jude said, focusing on the battle that he was currently engaged in. “Not much homework over the weekend.” 

“Well, that’s good,” Stef said, sighing heavily. “Any big plans?” 

“Not really,” Jude said, slicing off his enemy’s head with his longsword. “Taylor and I will probably do our Saturday Movie Night.” 

“What if Mama and I wanted to do our Saturday Movie Night this weekend?” Stef said, opening one eye to peek at him. 

He turned to look at her, raising an eyebrow. “You and Mama don’t have Saturday Movie Nights,” he sassed. 

“Yeah, well, we could, if _someone_ didn’t steal the TV every weekend,” Stef said, pulling herself out of the chair. “Dinner’s at seven, okay, so try not to be on that game until then.” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Jude said, grinning. Stef playfully slapped him on the head as she left the room, mumbling under her breath about how terrible it was to have a kid that didn’t respect her. Jude’s smile widened, shaking his head at how ridiculous she could be sometimes. 

He made it through the battle relatively unscathed and was just beginning to search for more weapons when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Pausing the game and pulling it out, he saw that Connor had sent him a text. 

 **_Hey have you seen the previews for the new Destroyer movie??_** ****

**Yeah, it looks awesome!** ****

**_Do you want to go see it with me tonight?_** ****

Jude nearly dropped his phone after reading Connor’s last text, he was so surprised. What was Connor possibly thinking? They couldn’t go to a movie, just the two of them. That was basically a date. True, they had gone to see movies as friends, just the two of them, plenty of times, but that was all before they had started dating. Jude’s heart sank as he realized what Connor’s invitation really meant: that Connor no longer felt _that_ way about him and that he didn’t find it at all awkward to go to a movie with him. Jude knew that he shouldn’t have expected anything more, that it was unfair to do so, but the reality of it still hurt. He blinked rapidly, trying to clear the tears, but it was no use; they fell, heavy and fat, down his cheeks, threatening to drown him. 

Realizing that he still hadn’t responded to Connor, Jude looked around, hoping that a valid excuse was sitting somewhere in the room, waiting to be discovered. His eyes fell on a family picture sitting on the shelf, his arm wrapped around Callie’s shoulder. 

 **Sorry, I can’t. Callie’s in town this weekend, so I have family stuff.**

Then he threw his phone into the armchair next to him and curled up into a ball on the couch, wondering why he even tried to be happy. Love was a cruel monster sometimes.

~~~ 

The next morning, Jude woke to a weird text from Taylor. 

 **_Okay don’t hate me._** ****

Jude rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, glancing over at the clock on his bedside table. _10:30_. He was surprised to see how late he had slept in, considering he had gone to bed relatively early. Looking back at his phone, he saw that Taylor’s message had been sent around eleven last night. 

 **What did you do?**

**_I may have been texting Connor last night._**  

Jude’s stomach dropped like a stone; Taylor talking to Connor was definitely not a good thing, especially these days. She seemed relentless in her plot to fix the gap between the two of them, and he was scared of the lengths that she would go to succeed. 

 **What. Did. You. Do.**

**_I may have told him about our movie night_** ****

**_And he may have mentioned a party tonight_** ****

**_And I may have said that we would be there_** ****

Jude threw back his covers and jumped out of bed, his desire to kill Taylor stronger than it had ever been. He rubbed his forehead, pacing back and forth. He felt like he could puke. Grabbing his phone, he dialed her number. 

“Jude—” 

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, TAYLOR,” Jude yelled into the phone, all attempts at staying calm forgotten. “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?” 

“Woah, Jesus, Jude. Volume control,” Taylor said, Jude barely able to hear her over the ringing in his ears and the pounding of his heart. “I want to go to the party.” 

“Why?” Jude asked, his voice rising in pitch. “Why the hell would you want to go to this party?”

“Because it sounds like fun, Jude,” Taylor said, voice sharp. “I don’t want to spend another Saturday staying home and watching movies. I want to go to the party.” 

“Well then why did you say I would go?” Jude said, rubbing his forehead; he could feel a headache beginning to form. 

“Well, I can’t go to a party alone,” Taylor said, as if the answer was obvious. “That’s dangerous, Jude.” 

“I cannot believe you,” Jude spat out, his anger mixing with his need to throw up all the bad shit that was happening right now. “I cannot fucking believe you.” 

“Why did you tell Connor that you couldn’t go to the movie with him last night?” Taylor said, abruptly changing the subject. 

“What the fuck does that have to do with anything, Taylor?” Jude asked. “And how do you know that?” 

“Connor told me that you said you couldn’t go to the movie because Callie was in town,” Taylor began, firing up again, “which I found very strange, considering you told me that Callie was with her dad and Sophia last night.” 

“That has nothing to do with you,” Jude said, voice clipped. “We’re talking about this party—” 

“What the hell are you doing, Jude?” Taylor said over him. “One minute you’re ready to talk to Connor and the next minute you’re backing out of alone time with him. Quit being so hot and cold all the damn time.” 

“It’s complicated,” Jude began, but Taylor cut him off again. 

“No, it’s not fucking complicated,” Taylor said. “You two are in a weird place and you need to talk about it, face-to-face. And to do that, you need to make plans to see him. You know when you can see him? Tonight, at the party that you and I are going to. So go downstairs and ask for permission and then figure out what you’re going to wear. And pick me up at eight.”

She hung up before Jude could even think to form a response. He stared at his phone for a second, wondering if throwing it out the window would manage to destroy it completely, before tossing it onto his bed. He resumed his pacing, trying to regulate his breathing. 

He could not believe her. Jude loved Taylor, he really did. After his breakup with Connor, she was the only friend that he had. Two years together had made them extremely close, and Jude knew that he could count on her when he needed her. But none of that stopped her from being a huge pain in the ass; she constantly acted like she knew better than everyone and she was always meddling in other people’s business. Jude couldn’t hate her, but he definitely didn’t like her right now. 

Taylor thought the solution to his Connor problems was easily solvable; find some alone time and talk through everything that was still on the table. But Jude knew that it wasn’t that easy. For one thing, he didn’t know half of the things that he wanted to say to Connor; and for all of the other things, he didn’t know _how_ to say them. Shutting them alone together in a room would do nothing more than make everything more awkward between them, and that was the last thing that Jude wanted. 

If there was one thing that Taylor knew, however, it was that Jude would never let her go to a party by herself. She was right, it was dangerous, especially when alcohol was involved. She trusted Jude to keep her safe, and he would never betray that, no matter how angry he was. Besides, it would probably be a pretty big party; it’s possible that he could avoid Connor the entire time that they were there. Jude groaned, pulling open his door and heading downstairs to ask his moms for permission.

He found them in the kitchen, reading separate parts of the newspaper. Lena looked up when he entered the room. “Good morning, sleepyhead. I was just about to come upstairs and wake you.”

Jude grinned, getting a glass out of the cupboard. “Where’s Callie?” 

“She’s spending the day with Rita,” Stef said, munching on a piece of bacon. 

Jude nodded, pouring some milk and taking a sip as he sat down at the table. 

“We were planning to go do a little bit of shopping today, if you wanted to join us,” Lena said, moving to rinse off her plate.

“Actually, I wanted to ask you both something,” Jude said, loading his plate. 

“Oh?” Stef said, putting her paper down and taking off her reading glasses. “What would that be?” 

“Taylor is going to a party tonight,” Jude started, avoiding eye contact, “and I was wondering if I could go with her, to keep an eye on her.” 

He looked up to see his moms exchange looks, hoping that one of them would just say no and he could forget the whole thing. It was Lena who responded first. 

“Do you know if there will be alcohol at this party?” she asked, sitting down across from Jude. 

“Probably,” he said, “but I won’t drink anything. I’m driving.” 

There was another moment of silence as Jude felt his moms exchange another look. Sometimes, he admired how well they could communicate without saying a word. The only person that he could do that with was Connor, but they were nowhere near as good at it as his moms. 

“Okay,” Stef said, placing her hand on his arm to get his full attention. “We are putting a lot of trust in you here.”

“You can go to the party,” Lena said, “but you cannot drink, okay? And if you happen to have even a little bit of alcohol, you will not drive. You will call me and I will come and get you.” 

Jude nodded, agreeing completely. 

“You will text us when you get there and when you leave,” Stef continued. “And if it starts to get crazy, and I mean _any_ level of crazy, you will leave immediately. You got it?” 

“Absolutely, I promise,” Jude said, making sure to keep eye contact. 

“God, why are you getting so old?” Lena said, rising to clean Stef’s plate off too. 

Jude laughed, staring down at his own plate. He was going to a party with Taylor tonight and Connor was going to be there. 

Suddenly, he didn’t have much of an appetite. 

~~~

Jude sent a text to his mom immediately after parking his car along the side of the road. They couldn’t find a parking spot very close to the party house, so they had to park almost three blocks away. It seemed to be a pretty upscale neighborhood and he wasn’t planning on drinking anything, so Jude wasn’t too worried about having to walk so far later tonight; he’d just have to watch out for Taylor. 

They got out of the car and started walking down the sidewalk towards the brightly-lit house in the distance, Jude nervously smoothing out the nonexistent wrinkles on his shirt. He was wearing some pretty tight black jeans, a purchase from one of his many shopping trips with Taylor, and a tightly-fit long-sleeve Henley. Taylor had dubbed the ensemble his “killer gay” look, which he thought was ridiculous, but it had gotten him a date or two in the past, so it was possible that she was onto something. Not that he was looking to score a date at the party tonight; that was definitely the last thing on his mind.

When they were only a block away from the house, Jude noticed a sudden increase in the volume of music coming from their destination. He and Taylor were a little late, so the party was in full swing. Jude noticed a large group of people standing in the front yard, both latecomers and people escaping the house for some much-needed fresh air. He followed Taylor up the walk, paying close attention to an arguing couple off to the right. No one was throwing things at one another, so he assumed they were okay to continue. His attention was pulled away from the pair as they ascended the front steps to the porch and Taylor found a familiar face. 

“Hey, Connor!” she said, and Jude turned in time to see him rise out of a chair by the door. His heartbeat immediately betrayed him, picking up the pace as he looked Connor up and down; he was also wearing a tight t-shirt and jeans, and the effect that they had on Jude was one that even he couldn’t ignore. When his eyes finally made it up to Connor’s face, he noticed the other boy’s eyes were focused on some area below Jude’s own waist. He felt the color rise in his cheeks at the same time that Connor looked up, blushing red at being caught in the act. Instead of looking away, Connor just smiled, his eyes bright. 

“Hey, Jude,” Connor said. “I’m glad you came.” 

Jude just nodded, his voice betraying him again. The silence barely lasted a few seconds before Taylor, apparently aware of the tension between the two of them, gestured to the red cup in Connor’s hand. “Think you could show me where to get one of those?” she asked him. 

“What?” Connor said, seeming to notice her for the first time. He looked down at the cup in his hand. “Oh, right! Yeah, of course. Follow me.” 

He entered the house, Taylor following close behind. Jude sighed, already completely overwhelmed by this entire evening, before following after his friends. 

The volume of the music increased tenfold once they entered the house. Jude could see the chandelier hanging in the dining room shaking from the bass of the music, the people playing beer pong underneath it completely oblivious to its movement. The living room and sitting room seemed to be the primary dance areas, large groups of people gyrating on top of one another in the small spaces. Jude watched as a girl started dancing with a guy and before he had even passed the doorway they had started making out. He shook his head, wondering how someone could be so uninhibited, before quickly following Taylor down the hall. 

Connor led them to the kitchen, where the counters were packed with bottles of every kind of alcohol imaginable. The room was noticeably quieter than the rest of the house, as people only stopped in for a drink before moving to another room.

“Beer is in the coolers if you want that,” Connor said, pointing to a row of five coolers. “Otherwise, there’s plenty of other beverage options to choose from.” 

“What are you having?” Taylor asked, peering down into his cup. 

“Jack and Coke,” Connor said, taking a quick sip. 

“Nah, I don’t want that,” Taylor said, moving past him to look at the bottles on the counter. “Oooh, cherry vodka!” 

“Put some Sprite in it, or you won’t be walking out of here by yourself,” Connor said, sending a smile Jude’s way. Jude tried to smile back, but he was pretty sure it came out more like a grimace. He avoided Connor’s questioning stare, looking instead at the pictures on the wall. The entire point of coming tonight was that he would be able to avoid Connor in the big crowd, yet they seem to have become attached at the hip instead. It was making Jude extremely uncomfortable. 

“Okay, I’ve got my drink,” Taylor said, taking a sip out of her cup, “and now I’m going to go dance. Jude, make sure you have fun because we aren’t leaving until you do.” And with that, she bounced passed them and into the living room, quickly being swallowed by the crowd. 

Jude stood there, staring after her, having no idea what to do. He’d only come to this party for her and she’d left him on his own almost immediately. He was going to spend the rest of this evening plotting her murder. 

“So,” Connor said, and Jude turned to see him staring at him uncertainly. “Can I get you something to drink?” 

“A Coke is fine,” Jude said, following Connor over to the counter. 

“No alcohol?” Connor asked. 

“I’m driving,” Jude said shortly. 

“Right, of course,” Connor said, grabbing a cup and the bottle of Coke. He quickly poured Jude’s drink, handing it over. 

“Thanks,” Jude said awkwardly, taking a sip. He really didn’t know what to do now. “So, you know the host?” 

He could have sworn he saw Connor’s eyes widen with fear for a second, his ears growing even redder than they already were, but that may have just been his imagination. “Um, yeah. Yeah. This is my… Nathan’s house. He’s a friend of mine.” 

He watched as Connor shakily raised his cup to his mouth to take a drink, spilling some down his chin in his haste to do so. He quickly wiped it away, looking anywhere but at Jude. Jude had never seen him so undone before. Normally he would ask what was wrong, but he was having a hard enough time standing here talking to Connor. He just wanted some space from him for a little while. 

“That’s cool. Well, have fun! I’m going to go make sure Taylor is okay,” he said, darting out of the room before Connor had time to respond. 

~~~ 

Jude still wasn’t feeling any less awkward an hour later. He had managed to find a spot to sit in the living room, parking himself on the stone ledge of the fireplace, where he could keep an eye on Taylor. She was currently three drinks in and dancing very close to a boy that Jude had seen at school but never talked to. He did, however, know that his name was Aiden McIntosh, as Taylor had excitedly, and quite drunkenly, shouted in his ear right before going off to dance with him. He seemed like an okay guy, but Jude was still keeping a close eye on Taylor; he definitely didn’t want anything to happen to her.

Connor was also around, appearing in the doorway every ten minutes or so. He always had a cup in his hand, but Jude didn’t think it was the same one every time, considering his increased lack of coordination. Even though things were awkward between them right now, Jude was keeping an eye on him, too. Connor was his still friend and he didn’t want anything bad to happen to him either. 

Jude had just finished his drink, tossing his cup into the trashcan conveniently placed by the wall, when another person joined him by the fireplace. He glanced over, trying to determine how intoxicated his companion was and whether or not he should move the trashcan a little closer. The guy seemed pretty sober, though he did have a cup in his hand. Maybe he was a designated driver, too, Jude thought. He must have felt someone staring at him, because he turned and looked at Jude. Jude gave him a nervous smile before turning back to look at the group dancing in the middle of the room. 

“Don’t worry, it’s my first drink,” the guy said, causing Jude to turn back to him. He wore a smirk as he gave his cup a little shake. “I won’t barf on your shoes or anything.” 

Jude laughed, feeling a little bit of the tension disappear. “That is very good to know.” There was a moment of silence as they both watched the partygoers around them, before Jude broke it. “First drink, huh? Did you just get here then?” 

“Oh, no. I’ve been here since it started,” he said matter-of-factly, taking another drink. “It’s just really hard to get drunk when you have to make sure the other drunks aren’t destroying your house.” 

“Oh, you’re Nathan,” Jude said, putting the pieces together. 

“The one and only,” Nathan said, raising his glass. “I, however, do not know your name.” 

“It’s Jude,” Jude said, smiling. 

“Hey, Jude!” Nathan shouted. “That is an awesome song!” 

“You have no idea how many times I have heard that,” Jude said, genuinely confused by how excited people got whenever they heard his name. 

“I can imagine,” Nathan said, taking another drink from his cup. Jude could tell that he was already nearing the bottom. “So, Jude, how did you hear about this party at my house?”

“Oh, um, my friend Connor invited me,” Jude said, staring down at his fingers. 

“Connor Stevens?” Nathan asked. 

“The one and only,” Jude mumbled. God, it even hurt to hear his name. 

“He’s a pretty cool guy,” Nathan said, draining the rest of his cup. 

An abrupt silence followed Nathan’s statement, Jude having no idea how to continue the conversation. Why did every conversation that he had these days have to be about Connor? It was like his ex-boyfriend was invading every part of his life and Jude couldn’t do anything to stop it. He had never felt more suffocated in his life. 

A sharp gasp pulled Jude from his thoughts and he turned to see Nathan staring at him as if he was seeing him clearly for the first time. “What?” Jude asked, genuinely concerned that the other boy might be having a stroke or something. 

“Holy fuck!” Nathan shouted, pointing a finger at Jude. “You’re Connor’s Jude.”

Jude felt his stomach tighten at the choice of words, cursing his heart for freaking out as his brain tried to figure out what was going on. “What?” he asked again, this time in confusion. 

“Oh god, you’re _the_ Jude,” Nathan said, his finger pointing getting even more animated. “I feel like I know everything about you. Hell, Connor never stopped talking about you while we were dating.”

Dating.

_Dating._

**_Dating._ **

The word echoed in Jude’s head as all of the air disappeared from the room. His vision went blurry, his hands gripping tight to the stone ledge that he was sitting on. He had been wrong, so so wrong: the suffocation that he had been feeling seconds ago was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to reign in the panic attack that he could feel building. Not here, he thought, not now. Not in front of Connor’s _ex-boyfriend,_ who seemed completely oblivious to Jude’s situation as he kept rambling. 

“… I mean, you’re basically the reason we broke up,” Nathan ranted, waving his hands around. “Not that I’m complaining, I mean we just weren’t working, and I’m with someone else now and I’m a lot happier, so it’s not like I hate you or anything. Well, to be honest, there was a short period where I really didn’t like you, but…”

Jude did his best to zone him out, but it was too late. Nathan’s words joined the tsunami that was currently his brain. He gripped the ledge even harder, trying to stabilize himself. He heard what sounded like a crash somewhere in the house and Nathan quickly disappeared, leaving Jude alone with his rising panic. 

He needed air, he definitely needed some air. Jude quickly rose from his ledge, spots dancing in front of him as his body tried to adjust to the change of position and lack of oxygen to his brain. He stood still for a moment, waiting until the urge to puke passed, before he circled around the group of dancers and headed outside.

Jude found himself on the front porch, quickly collapsing into a chair, as far away from everyone else as he could get. He rested his head in his hands, trying to calm his breathing now that he had the air to do so. His heart was still beating wildly in his chest, but he could only focus on one organ at a time.

Jude knew that Connor had dated in the two years that they had been apart. The first rumor of him having a boyfriend had happened only three months after they had broken up. Jude wondered if Nathan was that boy, the one that he had met at the LGBTQ prom. Or maybe, Nathan was the second or third boy that Connor had dated. Maybe there were dozens of boys out there that called Connor their ex-boyfriend; maybe Jude was just one of many.

Jude’s eyes stung with tears. “Fuck,” he said, wiping them away. He was so sick and tired of crying over Connor. To be honest, he didn’t even know why he was so upset. He had let the delusion of ever being anything more than friends with Connor go, had accepted that it was never going to happen. And he had dated too, a few times, though none of them had made it to a second date. But that had nothing to do with Connor, that was the just the way Jude was. He knew what he wanted and those boys were not it, because what he wanted was – 

“No, stop it,” Jude moaned as fresh tears spilled down his face. He gave up trying to wipe them away. “Stop it, stop it, stop it…”

He continued to repeat it, over and over again, rocking back and forth. He didn’t want it, he didn’t. He could convince himself of that. He could – 

“Jude?” 

 _Fuck_. 

He couldn’t.  He could not catch a fucking break. Jude looked up to see Connor standing a few feet away, his adorable, dumb face the very definition of confused worry. “What?” Jude snapped, rising to his feet. 

“Are you okay?” Connor asked cautiously. “I saw you leave and I wanted—” 

But Jude never found out what Connor wanted because the other boy tried to take a step forward and nearly tripped and fell onto his face, reminding Jude that Connor was very much drunk. He reached out to grab him, catching him right before his nose hit the porch. 

Jude tried to detach himself immediately, but Connor clung tightly to him, wrapping strong arms around his shoulders. They hadn’t been this close in years and Jude could smell his cologne, spicy and sweet, and it broke him. Finally, after two years of building them up strong, he felt all of his walls collapse into nothing. He brought his arms up to clutch at Connor’s back as his shoulders shook with his sobs, burying his face into Connor’s neck to muffle the noise.

Jude had no idea how long they stood there, clinging to one another as if their lives depended on it. He knew that the party continued around them because he could hear it, but it sounded far away, as if it existed at the other end of a vacuum. No one bothered them, no one checked to make sure they were okay; it was just him and Connor, alone together. 

He honestly felt like he could stay here, in Connor’s arms, for the rest of his life. He had always felt so safe with Connor, the first person in his life to accept him for everything that he was, and now, wrapped in his arms, Jude felt more secure than he had in a long time. In Connor’s arms, nothing bad could truly happen... 

Jude’s thoughts came to an abrupt halt when he felt Connor’s cold lips touch his skin, sending a shiver all the way down his spine. His eyes flew open as he released a small breath of air through his lips. He felt Connor’s lips curl into a small smile as the other boy placed another kiss on his neck, a little higher than the first one. 

Jude froze and remained frozen as Connor continued to press kisses to his skin. He didn’t know what to do. He had no fucking idea what to do. His heart stuttered in his chest as Connor’s hand came up to grip his neck softly, his lips continuing their journey north. 

“I missed you,” Connor began to whisper between each kiss. “I missed you so much.” 

It wasn’t until he felt Connor press his lips to the corner of his mouth that Jude’s body was able to finally react. He took a step back, pushing at Connor’s chest to increase the distance between them. His eyes filled with tears for what felt like the millionth time in a week as he covered his mouth, shaking his head to try to clear it of what had just happened. 

“No, no, no no no,” Jude gasped, running his hands through his hair as his walls remounted, crushing every feeling that had just been coursing through him. They couldn’t, _he_ couldn’t. Not now, not like this. Connor was drunk at his ex-boyfriend’s party, which was still happening a mere ten feet from them. He couldn’t be here, not anymore. He quickly pulled out his phone, wondering if he should call his moms to come pick him up; he didn’t know if he could drive right now. He tried to focus enough to unlock his screen, but he was shaking too much, nearly dropping the phone a few times. 

“Jude?” Connor said, and Jude looked up at him for the first time since pushing him away. He could see tears running down Connor’s face, his face showing that he was as broken as Jude felt. He had done that to him; Jude had broken him, just like Connor had broken Jude. That’s all they did to one another, over and over, and Jude knew that this was it. This was the end.

Connor took a step towards him, reaching out for him, but Jude took a step back, countering him. He needed space. He watched as Connor’s face broke even more, the cracks getting deeper as fresh tears appeared in his eyes. “Jude,” he cried softly, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to… I just wanted…” 

“What?” Jude whispered, a new anger flaring up as everything that had happened between them united into one giant stone around his heart. He was _done_. 

“What did you want, Connor?” Jude said, spitting each word out like they were a disgusting taste in his mouth, his voice rising. “Huh? What did you want? Did you want to break up with me at a prom that _you_ invited me to and then spend two years not talking to me? And then, when we finally did start talking again, did you want to act like _nothing_ had happened between us? That everything was just hunky-dory between us? Did you want to invite me on a date as if that was just a normal thing for ex-boyfriends to do together? Is that what you wanted, Connor?” 

Jude paused, trying to catch his breath, his chest heaving. Connor had taken a few steps back, surprised at the sudden outburst, but Jude could see that he was recovering, sobering at Jude’s words, his hands clenching and his jaw set.

“Or,” Jude continued as Connor opened his mouth to respond, “did you want to invite me to this party without telling me that it was _actually_ your ex-boyfriend’s house, so that I could meet him and be blind-sided? So that I could be told by someone that I have _never_ met that I was apparently the one responsible for your breakup?” 

Connor’s eyes widened, obviously completely unaware that Jude had met Nathan and found out who he was. Jude’s eyes narrowed, preparing his final blow. 

“Or _maybe_ you wanted to come out here, drunk off your ass, and comfort me while I cried in your arms, and then kiss me like there was nothing wrong between us? And then, maybe, you wanted to take me upstairs to Nathan’s bedroom, which I’m sure you’re _very_ familiar with, and show me a good time? Huh? Is that what you wanted, Connor?” 

Jude finished, slamming his mouth shut against the bile that he could feel rising in his stomach. He watched as Connor took a deep breath, his eyes wide with hurt.

“You know that I would _never_ do that, Jude,” Connor said, his voice breaking as his tears began to fall again. “You know I’m not that guy.” 

Jude did know that; he knew that with every single fiber of his being. He knew it the same way that he knew he loved Connor with everything that he was, but he couldn’t say it. He couldn’t say any of it. His voice wouldn’t do it. All he could do was nod, letting Connor know that he didn’t really think the things he had said, and hope that he would accept his extremely sincere apology later. 

“I, um, I need to find Taylor,” Jude mumbled, looking down. “I want to go home.” 

And he left Connor standing there without a chance to respond for the second time that evening. 

~~~ 

The next morning, Jude had trouble remembering everything that happened the night before. After leaving Connor on the porch, he had searched the house for Taylor, finally finding her in the backyard, tightly entangled with Aiden. She had been upset when Jude pulled her away, but she had assured him on the drive home that she had gotten Aiden’s number, so it wasn’t the end of the world and she didn’t really hate him. Jude had dropped her off at her house and then somehow managed to make his way home, finding himself in his bed the next morning.

When he woke up and remembered the details of his conversation with Connor, Jude immediately ran to the bathroom, bending down in front of the toilet to release everything that he had been holding inside. It hurt, a lot. God, did it hurt; but afterwards, Jude could admit that he felt better, almost lighter. He pulled himself up off the floor and flushed, moving over to the sink. The face staring back at him in the mirror was pale and miserable, but otherwise the same as usual. The worry that had been weighing him down recently wasn’t as heavy today as it had been yesterday; with any luck, he just might be able to get through this.

He cupped some water in his hands, splashing it on his face, before grabbing his toothbrush off the shelf. He quickly brushed his teeth and then went downstairs to find something to fill his now empty stomach.

Jude decided to finish cleaning out the garage after breakfast, needing some alone time to think. He didn’t really want to be in the house when everyone woke up; he didn’t think he could handle any questions about last night, at least not yet.

Apparently, though, what Jude wanted didn’t matter that much, because as soon as he pulled down the first box, he saw Callie enter the garage out of the corner of his eye.

“Were you the one puking in the bathroom this morning?” she asked, crossing her arms and staring at Jude with concern. “I thought moms said you couldn’t drink last night?”

Jude avoided her gaze, opening the box to start sorting through it. “I didn’t drink last night,” he said shortly.

“Bad night, then?” Callie asked, coming over to stand next to him.

“Definitely not a good one,” Jude said, throwing some clothes to the side.

“Did you and Taylor get into a fight?” Callie asked, her hands on her hips.

“It had nothing to do with Taylor,” Jude said, wishing that she would just go away. “She was off with some guy all night.”

“Jude, look at me,” Callie said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Look at me, please.”

He turned his body towards her but kept his head down, not ready to look her in the eye just yet.

“Jude, did someone hurt you?” Callie said, a note of panic entering her voice.

He quickly shook his head, keeping his head down as his eyes filled with tears. He _really_ didn’t want to talk about this right now.

Callie reached out, hooking a finger under his chin and gently lifting his head until she could look him in the eyes. When she saw the tears there, she cupped his face, using her thumbs to brush them out of the way. “What happened, Jude?” she asked softly.

“Connor and I got in a fight,” Jude said, a few new tears falling.

“Connor was at the party?” Callie asked, her eyebrows furrowing. “Wait, did he hurt you?”

She looked Jude up and down, as if expecting to see a bruise that she hadn’t noticed before. Jude pulled away from her, his anger rising.

“God, Callie, no!” he all but yelled. “I know you don’t like Connor very much, but he would never hurt me and you know it!”

“Well, excuse me for worrying,” Callie said, her temper rising as well. “You throw up in the bathroom this morning and now you’re standing here crying. What was I supposed to think?”

“Well, you’ll be happy to know that I was the one who hurt Connor last night,” Jude said, shaking his head as the memories from last night came to mind, his lip trembling as the tears fell down his cheeks.

“What did you do to him?” Callie asked, genuinely concerned now.

“I yelled at him, okay?” Jude said, wiping away his tears. “I basically blamed him for everything and accused him of using me, and then I left without giving him a chance to say anything. He probably hates me right now.”

Callie sighed, pulling Jude into a hug. “I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to hate you,” she said, rubbing his back soothingly. “I still don’t get the puking thing this morning, though.”

“I said some really terrible things to him and it made me sick to my stomach,” Jude explained, closing his eyes. “It kind of all came back when I woke up this morning.”

“Oh, buddy,” Callie said, squeezing him tighter. “So what are you going to do now?”

“I don’t know,” Jude said, shaking his head again, feeling lost and confused. “I don’t think he’ll want to hear what I have to say.”

“Well I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Callie said, pulling away to look at him, an odd smile on her face. “Just remember,” she whispered, leaning in a bit so that he could hear her, “it only hurts a lot because you care about him so much. That’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

He stared at her, having no idea what she was talking about, but before he could ask her for clarification, he heard a throat being cleared behind him. He spun around, his jaw dropping when he saw who was standing in the doorway.

“Is this a bad time?” Connor asked, running his hand nervously through his hair as he looked between Jude and Callie.

“Absolutely not,” Callie said, causing Jude to look at her in surprise. “I’ll be in the kitchen if you boys need me.”

She gave Jude a small wink before leaving, patting Connor on the shoulder as she passed him in the doorway.

A deadly silence permeated the garage as the two boys stared at one another. Jude could feel his heart beating its way into his throat, stripping him of his voice for the third time in two weeks. Connor was _here_. Jude had stood on a front porch less than twenty-four hours ago and accused him of trying to use him for sex, and yet Connor was here, in his garage, voluntarily. Jude had so much he wanted to say to him and absolutely no fucking idea where to start.

Connor was the one who broke the weird stand-off, taking a step into the garage. “I would have been here a lot earlier, probably like at the crack of dawn, but I didn’t feel so good when I woke up this morning and my dad wouldn’t let me drive.”

Jude just nodded, having no idea how to respond to that. Connor placed his hands in his pockets, raising his eyebrows at Jude expectantly. Taking a deep breath, Jude opened his mouth to speak, deciding to just go with a straightforward apology to begin with.

“Connor, I am so sorry about what I said last—,” Jude started, but Connor held up a hand to stop him.

“I know,” Connor said, nodding. “I know you’re sorry. And I know that you didn’t mean what you said, that you were just hurt and upset. It’s okay, I’m not mad at you.”

Jude raised his eyebrows in surprise, seriously doubting that.

“I’m really not,” Connor said, a soft smile appearing on his face. “I promise. Though, I’m not going to lie, hearing that you had a rough morning does make it a little easier.”

Jude looked down, embarrassed that Connor had heard his conversation with Callie. “I didn’t realize you had heard that,” he mumbled, his cheeks growing warm.

“Well, I did,” Connor said, taking another step forward. “You know, I find it very strange that you thought I wouldn’t want to talk to you. You might not remember this, but I recently went two years without talking to you and, quite honestly, I hated almost every minute of it, so I’m really not in a hurry to do it again.”

Jude looked up, hardly daring to believe this was actually happening. “I hated it, too,” he said quietly, making sure to look directly in Connor’s eyes so that he would know just how much.

“Well, good,” Connor said, “we’re agreed then. Now, last night you had your chance to unleash two years of anger at me, so I think it’s only fair that I get a turn, right?”

Jude gulped, a little frightened of what that could mean, but nodded in agreement.

“Okay, good,” Connor said, rocking back and forth with what Jude assumed was nervous energy. “I kind of practiced this with my dad while I sobered up this morning, but I didn’t memorize it or anything, so bear with me.”

Jude couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Connor talking this through with his dad across the breakfast table; it was just the type of thing he would do.

“So, the first thing I’m going to say is kind of the biggest and most important thing, but it’ll make all the rest of it make sense, so I have to say it first,” Connor rambled, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. When he opened them, he looked directly into Jude’s, holding eye contact. He looked a little terrified. “I love you.”

Whatever Jude had been expecting Connor to say, it was definitely not that. That was actually the very last thing that he ever expected Connor Stevens to say to him, and he immediately wondered if he was somehow trapped in some weird, fantasyland nightmare. He reached over and pinched his arm to check, the pain telling him that he was very much awake and that this was very much real life.

“I--,” Jude started, having no idea what he was about to say, but it didn’t matter because Connor cut him off again.

“Wait, wait,” Connor said. “It’s my turn now. You can say anything you want afterwards, okay?”

Jude nodded, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest, but he remained silent, letting Connor continue.

“Yeah, so, I love you,” Connor said, smiling now that the terror of saying it for the first time was gone. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I’ve loved you since you wore blue nail polish to school the first week and you stood up to Blake when he was picking on you, but that was a long time ago and I thought I was straight then, so I can’t be sure. But I know that I do. Love you, I mean. I think I’ve always been in love with you.”

Jude remained silent, absorbing Connor’s confession. His brain was spinning with all of this new and unexpected information. He was torn between wanting to ask a thousand different questions and closing the distance between the two of them to kiss Connor senseless. Before he could make a decision either way, Connor continued speaking.

“And once I realized that, I felt like an idiot for breaking up with you in the first place,” Connor started, but Jude interrupted before he could really get going, needed to ask a question.

“Why did you?” Jude asked him, breaking eye contact to stare down at his hands. “Why did you break up with me? I was never really sure.”

“I know,” Connor said, moving even closer to Jude, as if he wanted to reach out and reassure him somehow. “I never really explained it and that was a really asshole thing for me to do, to just leave you hanging like that.”

Jude didn’t say anything, so Connor continued. “Do you remember that Jonah kid? The one who came over to us when we first got to the prom?” he asked.

“Yeah, I think so,” Jude said, scanning his memory.

“He came over to me, later, while I was at the punch bowl,” Connor said, nervously twisting his hands. “He basically told me that you were just using me to experiment. That you not wanting to label yourself meant that you were unsure if you were really gay.”

Jude started to speak, but Connor talked over him, his voice rising as his emotions got the better of him.

“And I _knew_ he was wrong, that what he was saying wasn’t really true, but then I remembered how you were acting before the dance. You didn’t really want to go and I couldn’t figure out why that was. It almost seemed to me like you were against the idea of an LGBTQ prom or that you were maybe ashamed of the community that it represented. I know that you didn’t want to be labeled as ‘gay’ or anything, but _I_ did. My label made me feel like I was a part of something and, I don’t know, the way you acted made me feel a little ashamed of that. I guess I felt like you were ashamed of me, of dating someone who was gay,” he said, his voice breaking. “It made me feel really alone. We had gone through so much together and then all of a sudden I felt like you were leaving me because it got too hard.”

Jude watched as Connor wiped a tear away, his stomach clenching in guilt. “I didn’t realize I was doing that, I’m so sorry,” he said softly.

“No, I know you didn’t. And I never told you. I should have, I realize that now. But at the time, it was all so new and you were my first boyfriend and I just didn’t know how to handle it. But, Jude, you have to know that I’ve regretted it ever since and I am so, so sorry.”

“I just wish I would have known,” Jude said, a tear slipping down his face.

“So, anyway,” Connor said, moving even closer. They were now close enough that they could reach out and touch one another if they wanted to, but they didn’t. Not yet. “Then we stopped talking and god, I hated it. I hated it so much. Losing you as a boyfriend was bad, but Jude, you were my best friend. I spent months just moping around the house, my dad was so sick of me. And then I thought things were getting better, it seemed like we were going to be okay, but then you started ignoring me.”

“I had heard that you were dating someone and, I don’t know, I got jealous,” Jude said.

“Yeah, I heard that rumor, too” Connor said bitterly. “I don’t know who started it, but it wasn’t true. I’ve only dated Nathan and that was just last year. And I think you gathered how that went when you talked to him last night.”

“He said that I was the reason you guys broke up,” Jude said, giving Connor a confused look.

“I guess you were, but I didn’t realize it at the time,” Connor said. “Nathan and I just didn’t work the way we should have, and I’m guessing I talked about you a lot, which didn’t make him happy.”

They shared a small grin, Jude’s falling when he remembered what else he had said to Connor last night. “Look, I’m really sorry for implying that—”

“Ah, I’m not done yet,” Connor said, laying a hand on Jude’s arm to stop him. His touch sent a chill through Jude, kick-starting his heart into overtime again. “I promise you can say anything you want to when I’m finished, okay?”

Jude nodded, rolling his eyes. Connor smiled, looking down at where he was still touching Jude’s arm.

“I’m sorry that I was acting like nothing bad had happened between us this past week,” Connor finally said, looking up at Jude through his eyelashes. “When I found out that we were partners, I was really, really happy. Like, the happiest I’ve been in two years, I’m pretty sure. But I didn’t know how to talk to you and say everything that I wanted to say, so I just tried to act as normal as possible. And to be honest, it’s always been pretty easy to talk to you.”

He slid his hand down Jude’s arm until he found Jude’s fingers, gripping them tightly. “When I invited you to the movie on Friday, I just wanted to be alone with you, to see you again. And, I don’t know, I guess I kind of wanted it to be a date. But it wasn’t because I thought everything was fine between us or anything,” he said.

“I thought that it meant you just wanted to be friends again, that seeing a movie with me wouldn’t be awkward for you because you didn’t feel _that_ way about me anymore,” Jude said, keeping his eyes on their hands.

“Jude,” Connor said, linking their hands together so that their palms were touching, “I’m pretty sure that you and I have never been just friends.” He leaned forward until his forehead was touching Jude’s, causing Jude to finally look up at him.

“Really?” Jude asked quietly, staring into Connor’s twinkling hazel eyes.

“Definitely,” Connor whispered, glancing down at Jude’s lips. “Look, I know I said you could talk when I was done, and I’m done now, but would you mind if—”

Jude didn’t even give Connor time to finish; he leaned forward, closing the very short distance between them and sealed their lips together. Connor moaned, bringing his hand up to cup Jude’s jaw, adjusting the angle of the kiss. Jude’s eyes slipped shut, losing himself in the feel of Connor’s lips on his own. His heartbeat lost all control, deciding to just beat strange rhythms that he could feel all over his body. After what seemed like hours, they finally broke apart, staring at one another as they each struggled to control their breathing. Connor’s smile was so big that his eyes had gone all squinty and Jude couldn’t help but laugh, so deliriously happy that he couldn’t see straight.

“I have one more thing to say, and it’s another big one,” Connor said, his smile still huge, his eyes glinting mischievously. “You remember how you implied that I was no longer a virgin last night?”

Jude sobered almost immediately, his face losing all color as he groaned in embarrassment. “I am so, so sorry about that, please just forget I ever said anything about it.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Connor said, pulling Jude back towards him so that he could wrap his arms around him.  “This is important to me, okay?”

“Okay,” Jude said, staring down at Connor’s shirt so he wouldn’t have to look him in the eye.

“I just want you to know that I have _never_ had sex,” Connor said, gently massaging Jude’s lower back where his hands were currently resting, “and I will not be having sex until we are ready for it. Okay?”

Jude looked up at Connor, eyes wide. What the hell was he supposed to say to that?

“And it doesn’t have to be this month or next month, or even this year, okay? There’s no pressure. We don’t even have to talk about it again, not until we’re ready. All I’m certain of at this point is that I want it to be with you.”

Jude stared at this amazing boy in front of him as his eyes filled with tears, hardly daring to believe that all of this was actually happening to him. “I love you so much,” he said, reaching up to cup Connor’s face before leaning in to kiss him again.

This time, the kiss was deeper. Connor’s arms tightened around Jude as Jude’s arms circled his neck, both of them clinging to one another. It was so reminiscent of their hug on the porch the night before, except this time Jude had no hesitations about kissing Connor. He was exactly where he wanted to be, doing exactly what he wanted to be doing, probably for the rest of his life.

They broke apart for a second time, both of them flushed from what Jude was pretty sure was the kiss to end all kisses. They each let go of one another, but kept their hands linked, both of them smiling like the love-struck idiots that they were. Jude glanced down at their hands, shaking his head, when he suddenly noticed something on Connor’s left pinky. He held it up, giving Connor a look.

“Did you paint your pinky?” Jude asked, waving the blue finger between them.

“Yeah,” Connor said, laughing, “I did. This morning. I was inspired by yours.” He nodded to Jude’s right pinky, the only finger of his painted blue. “War paint, right?”

Jude linked the two fingers together, swinging them back and forth. “Right,” he said, smiling as he remembered only painting the one finger because Connor had showed up out of nowhere and he’d broken the bottle. “I think my moms have some upstairs, if you want to finish the job,” he suggested, glancing up at Connor.

“You do mine, I’ll do yours?” Connor asked, eyes sparkling.

"Absolutely,” Jude said, leaning in to give him a quick kiss before pulling Connor out of the garage and towards the house.

And for the first time in a very, very long time, Jude was forced to admit that Fate might not be such a heartless bitch after all.

* * *

~ Epilogue ~ 

Ten Months Later

 

**I can’t believe you’re making me do this.**

**_Im not making you do anything. You know you want to go._ **

**We don’t really do well in tents, though.**

**_What are you talking about??_ **

**_I have VERY fond memories of the two of us in a tent_ **

**_:P_ **

**Really? You fondly remember that?**

**_Of course I do_ **

**_It was our first kiss_ **

**_It was the kiss that rocked my world_ **

**_You made me gay with that kiss_ **

**_I will never EVER forget that kiss_ **

**What is wrong with you??**

**_Im in love <3 <3_ **

**You’re a huge dork**

**_Nooooo Im your huge dork_ **

**OMG STOP.**

**_IM TOO IN LOVE TO STOP!!!_ **

**I’m breaking up with you. Right now.**

**_No you’re not. Now say goodbye to your moms and get out here. I want a kiss. :*_ **

**You’re so needy. :P**

**_Love you too babe_ **

**…**

**_Say it! Saaaaaaaay it!!!_ **

**Fine. I love you. But I also hate you.**

**_Ill take it! :D_ **

**Coming out now!**

**_Yaaaaay!!! Kisses!!_ **

**Only if you’re good… ;)**

~~~ 

The drive to the lake, while not long, was definitely eventful. Taylor spent pretty much the entire time arguing with Connor about music selections from the back seat. Jude, who was sitting in the passenger seat, was forced to tune them out after about an hour; however, he kept his hand on Connor’s leg, making sure to squeeze it gently whenever his boyfriend became more interested in the conversation than the road. Jude’s touch seemed to work like a snooze button; Connor would immediately stop yelling and turn back to the road, gripping Jude’s hand like it was a lifeline. Jude couldn’t help but to smile every time that happened.

When they finally arrived at the lake, Connor and Jude went off to set up their tent, leaving Taylor and Aiden to figure out their own. Their parents had only agreed to let them go on this trip alone if they set up their tents right next to one another, but Jude figured that what they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. He was pretty sure that Taylor and Aiden were having sex these days, and if they decided to do it tonight, Jude definitely didn’t want to be anywhere near them. Besides, he and Connor weren’t exactly quiet all the time.

“This really does bring back so many memories,” Connor said, piecing together a rod while Jude laid out the canvas.

“I swear to God if you mention the kiss that changed your life again I will push you into the lake,” Jude said, glaring up at him.

“You don’t remember the first time we went camping and tried to set up a tent?” Connor asked, moving on to another rod.

“I remember that I had no idea how to do it and you laughed at me,” Jude said, standing up and scowling down at the half-made tent, as if it was the source of all evil.

“I did not laugh at you,” Connor said, dropping the rod and moving to stand behind Jude, wrapping his arms around him and pressing a kiss to his neck. Jude’s eyes fell closed, his head falling back to rest on Connor’s shoulder. “I thought you were adorable. And I got to teach you how to put up a tent, which I loved.”

“And what about now?” Jude asked, turning his face into Connor’s neck. “Am I still adorable?”

“Well,” Connor said, pressing a soft kiss to Jude’s lips, “now you know how to put up a tent all by yourself.”

“So I’m not adorable?” Jude asked, a small pout forming.

“Oh no, you’re still adorable,” Connor said, slowly turning Jude around so that they were facing one another. “But now, you’re also really, really hot.”

He leaned in, pressing a hard kiss to Jude’s lips, Jude wrapping his arms around Connor’s neck to pull him closer. They stood there, wrapped up in one another, completely oblivious of everything around them until Jude heard a loud cough off to the right. They broke apart, turning to see Taylor standing there in her bathing suit, hands on her hips and a scowl on her face. Jude glared at her, his arms still wrapped around his boyfriend’s neck.

“Would you two hurry up and finish setting up your tent, I want to go swimming,” Taylor said, tapping her foot impatiently.

Jude turned back to Connor, noticing that he was wearing a smirk. “What?” he asked.

“I think she just said she wants us to take our clothes off for her,” Connor whispered, struggling to keep a straight face.

“We are not going skinny-dipping,” Jude said, rolling his eyes.

“Aww,” Connor pouted, leaning in so that his lips brushed Jude’s ear. “Maybe later, then? Just you and me?”

Jude’s stomach clinched, the images immediately forming in his mind. “You are insatiable, Connor Stevens,” he said, the want in his voice betraying him.

Connor leaned back a bit to look at Jude fully, his eyes darting down to his lips. “God, I love it when you use big words,” he joked, leaning in to capture Jude’s lips in another kiss.

“Oh my god, you two are the worst,” Taylor moaned, and Jude pulled back to see her turn around and head back to where she came from. “Finish your tent and come down to the lake. And Connor, you better be covered. I don’t want to see anything that’s for Jude’s eyes only,” she yelled over her shoulder, disappearing into the trees.

Jude and Connor burst into laughter, holding on to one another so that they wouldn’t fall over. When they regained control, Jude pressed a kiss to Connor’s cheek before turning back to the half-constructed tent. Honestly, the sooner he got Connor in a bathing suit, the better.

~~~

An hour later found Jude sitting on the end of the dock, his feet submerged in the lake water as he watched Connor and Aiden take turns pushing Taylor underwater. He would feel sorry for her, but she had been trying to pull down Aiden’s shorts for twenty minutes before he and Connor had finally decided to gang up on her. Jude was more than happy to sit and watch from a distance, recording some of the mayhem on his phone to show his moms later.

After five successful dunks in a row, Connor separated himself from the other two, swimming over to the dock and pushing Jude’s legs apart so that he could stand between them, resting his arms on Jude’s thighs. “Hey, he said, smiling up at Jude.

“Hey,” Jude said, reaching up to brush Connor’s wet hair out of his eyes. “You’re going to stink later, you know that?”

“So,” Connor said, leaning forward to press a kiss to Jude’s stomach, right above his bellybutton. Jude shivered, both from the slight chill of Connor’s lips and the intimacy of the action.

“So, I’m the one who has to sleep next to you tonight,” Jude said, gently tilting his boyfriend’s head up so that he could look him in the eyes. “You didn’t forget that, did you?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s impossible to forget that,” Connor said, squinting up at Jude, “considering it’s my favorite thing to do.”

“God, you’re ridiculous, you know that?” Jude said, rolling his eyes and wondering for the millionth time how he got so damn lucky to find this boy.

“Yeah, I know,” Connor said, “but I love telling you how much I love you. It’s another one of my favorite things.”

Jude couldn’t let him get away with saying something as disgustingly wonderful as that; he just had to kiss him. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to Connor’s, cupping his face to deepen the kiss. Jude closed his eyes, allowing the sensation to fill him completely; he would never get over how perfect it felt to kiss Connor. After what felt like hours, they pulled apart, Jude leaning forward until their foreheads rested together. “I love you, too,” Jude said, grinning like an idiot.

Connor hummed in response, his eyes still closed. He unfolded his arms, gripping Jude’s hips, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles into Jude’s skin. “You know, I’m not the only one who’s going to need a shower tonight,” he said, a mischievous smirk spreading across his face.

Jude tilted his head in confusion for a second before it dawned on him what Connor meant. “You wouldn’t dare,” he said.

Connor’s eyes popped open, staring up at Jude through his lashes. “Jude Adams Foster, you clearly don’t know me very well,” he said, and before Jude could so much as take a breath Connor had pulled him into the lake.

~~~

While Jude and Taylor went off to shower in the campground stalls, Connor and Aiden worked on building the campfire. By the time they returned to the campsite, feeling much better now that they had cleaned the lake off of their skin, the fire was ready for roasting. They worked around each other, setting out the table and preparing their hotdogs, before finally sitting down to eat.

After dinner, they hiked a short distance up the hill to a clearing to watch the sunset. The campgrounds were pretty large and it was the middle of camping season, so there were plenty of families milling about the lake. They were lucky to have a campsite off to the side, giving them a fair amount of privacy from the other campers, but up here on the hill they could see it all. Jude could hear kids squealing from the docks as they ran to the ends and leaped off into the water.

Jude sat down on the grass, his back to a tree and his legs spread out in front of him. After a moment of standing and watching the swimmers in the lake, Connor turned around and plopped down on the ground in between his legs, leaning back into Jude’s chest and pulling Jude’s arms around him. Jude grinned, watching Taylor and Aiden situate themselves beside another tree.

The four of them sat there, quietly watching as the sun set beneath the trees, bathing the entire campgrounds in a fiery orange glow. Jude gradually felt the temperature drop bit-by-bit and he wrapped his arms tighter around Connor’s body, pulling his boyfriend closer to himself in an attempt to steal his body heat.

Eventually, Connor decided to head back to their campsite to shower, quickly turning to give Jude a kiss before standing up and walking back down the hill. Aiden made the same decision minutes later, leaving Taylor and Jude alone on the hilltop. Jude pulled his knees to his chest, rubbing his legs to generate some additional heat now that his personal heater was gone.

“You know, I never realized how different you were without Connor,” Taylor said out of nowhere, her voice soft. Jude turned to look at her, but she was still facing the sunset. “I mean, I knew you missed him and everything, but you’re not really you without him. This past year really showed me that, how much you mean to each other.”

“Well, it’s kind of the same way with you and Aiden, right?” Jude said awkwardly; he didn’t really know how to respond to comments like that.

“I don’t know,” Taylor said, shrugging. “I mean, people date in high school all the time and I feel like that’s what Aiden and I do. We date. But you and Connor? That’s not just dating. You guys are on a whole other level.”

“Well, we’ve been through a lot,” Jude said, picking at the grass by his feet. “But we still fight, all the time. It’s not like we’re perfect or anything.”

“Yeah, but even when you fight, you’re fighting for each other,” Taylor said, finally turning to look at Jude. “Even when you’re angry at him, you’re still on his side. And the same is true for him. I don’t know, it’s just so different. A good different,” she clarified, eyes wide. “I’m just really happy for you two,” she finished, turning back to the trees.

Jude blinked, speechless. Taylor was the exact opposite of a romantic, but if there was one thing that Jude knew, it was that she was always honest, sometimes brutally so. “Thanks,” Jude finally said, turning back to the trees as well. He looked down at his watch, figuring that Connor was probably almost out of the shower. “I think I’m going to head back,” he said, standing. “Goodnight, Taylor.”

“Goodnight,” she said, not bothering to look up at him. Jude turned and headed back down the hill, figuring that he’d let Aiden know where she was if he was out of the shower already.

When he got back to their table, he saw Aiden packing everything up for the evening. “He’s still at the stalls,” Aiden said, turning to see Jude approaching. “Your boy really likes his showers, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah, he does,” Jude said, helping to clear the table. Connor could spend hours in the shower if he had the time, something Jude had come to realize this past year after staying the night with Connor several times.

When their belongings were finally packed up, Jude told Aiden where he could find Taylor before bidding him goodnight and heading over to his and Connor’s tent. Once inside, he stripped off his shirt, trading it for one at the bottom of his bag, before putting his jacket back on and zipping it up. Then he sat down on top of his sleeping bag to wait for his boyfriend.

Barely ten minutes had passed before he heard footsteps coming towards the tent and Connor pulled back the flap, ducking inside. “Hey,” he said, toweling his hair. “You’ll be happy to know that I smell a lot better now.”

He tossed the towel into the corner before plopping down on the sleeping bag next to Jude, pulling out his phone to check his missed messages. When he noticed Jude still staring at him, he turned to look at him, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What?”

“I have something for you,” Jude said nervously, turning to grab something out of his bag.

“You got me a present?” Connor said, his eyes wide, like a little kid on Christmas. Jude smiled, shaking his head.

“It’s just a stupid thing, okay?” Jude said, handing it over. “Nothing big.”

He watched as Connor tore off the paper, finding a blue t-shirt underneath. He unfolded it, holding it up to read the text on the front. “Oh my god,” Connor whispered, letting out a choked laugh as he lowered the shirt to look at his boyfriend; Jude could see tears starting to form in his eyes. 

“I, um, I got one too, so that we could match if we wanted to,” Jude said, unzipping his jacket to reveal a matching blue shirt, the words _I’M GAY AND MY BOYFRIEND LOVES ME_ clearly legible in white text. He looked up to see Connor staring at his chest, his tears suddenly replaced by an oddly hungry look. “What?” Jude asked, a little worried.

“I’ve just never wanted to rip your clothes off of you more than I do right now,” Connor said, scooting closer, his voice low.

“Woah, hey, no,” Jude said, holding up a hand to stop him. “You are not ruining another one of my shirts.”

Connor pouted. “But it’s in my way,” he whined, bringing out the puppy dog eyes that Jude just _hated_.

“Well, if you ask nicely,” Jude said, leaning forward seductively, “I might let you remove it in a way that does not make it impossible to wear again.”

“Fine,” Connor said, smirking, coming even closer. “Jude Adams Foster, may I please get you naked and have really awesome sex with you?”

“Much better,” Jude teased, his heartbeat rising.

They both moved at the exact same time, their arms tangling as they each tried to remove the other’s clothes the fastest. Jude fell backwards, Connor landing on top of him, both of them completely unable to suppress their laughs. He watched as Connor removed his own shirt before leaning down, their lips meeting in a passionate kiss, Jude’s eyes falling closed as he lost himself in the way Connor made him feel.

Hours later, after Connor had fallen asleep, Jude lay awake, his head resting on his boyfriend’s chest, listening to the sounds of the woods around them. It reminded him of when they had gone camping for the first time over two years ago. Jude had lain awake then too, listening to Connor’s soft snores, wondering how different things would be for them after that secret first kiss. Now, Jude couldn’t help but smile at the thought, pressing a kiss to the bare chest beneath him.

His boyfriend was absolutely right; the two of them really did know how to make fond memories in tents. 

 

**THE END.**

 


End file.
